I’ve been a parent for 15 years and made lots of friends along the way. But I don’t feel like anyone knows me in quite the same ways as the friends I made when I was a young, uncertain, overwhelmed new mom.
I met my “mom tribe” at a breastfeeding support meeting. We were all breastfeeding older babies and some of us were starting to breastfeed toddlers. It was hard finding fellow moms who breastfed past the early months, and we bonded because of that. We started having regular weekly playdates. The playdates were for the kids, of course, but in so many ways, they were for us.
Soon, the focus wasn’t just about breastfeeding or sleep or potty training or other toddler shenanigans. We shared our own worries and insecurities about parenting, about balancing our careers and motherhood journeys. We talked about our mental health, our sex lives, and our relationships with our spouses.
New motherhood unleashes so many feelings — it’s an intense change in identity — and we all shared that together
There were some crises that we endured together. Several of us grappled with some serious mental health issues. A few of our spouses became unemployed (this was during the Great Recession in the 2010s). One of us had to flee an unhealthy marriage.
Eventually, we all went our separate ways
A few of us moved. Our kids grew up and started school. We had more babies. We got divorced, got remarried. We grew apart.
But we are all still in touch. We have a Facebook group where we connect once or twice a year. A few of us stay in touch with each other on a one-on-one basis. Whenever I connect with one of these friends, we are able to start right where we left off.
These women know me in ways that few others do
We connected at such a vulnerable time in life and went through so much together. I can still share my vulnerabilities with them now, as I parent older children. I don’t have to pretend to be a perfect parent around these women. I can tell them when I screw up. I can ask for honest advice. I can trust them.
And they know my kids better than anyone! If I post on social media about something funny one of my kids said or did, I can always count on one of these mom friends to say something like, “Oh, that’s so your kid!” These friends of mine really understand the essence of who my children are, and they cherish them as if they were their own kids. I feel the same way about their kids, too.
It’s not just parenting and kids stuff we share, either
One of my friends helped me fix my toilet over a video call during the pandemic when everything was shut down. Another friend of mine is a doctor and has offered invaluable advice about pandemic-related decisions.
During those early days of parenthood, we were one another’s rocks. We were always there for one another no matter what. And we still are. I am so grateful.
