I spent six months as a new mom of two, full of postpartum hormones and the fear that I was dying from an unknown liver condition. That’s 182 days, 15 hours, and 19 minutes. Or, if you want to break it down even further, 15,780,000 agonizing seconds, every single one of them consumed with thoughts like, “What will happen to my kids?” “No one will love or watch out for them like me,” and “How will my husband manage?”
I was forced to face the fact that no matter how many parenting tips I read and how much I love my kids, I’m not Invincible Super Mom.
I had fatty liver from pregnancy, but neither my primary care physician or I was familiar with this apparently common issue
So, I spent all that time fearing the worst and undergoing tests from a specialist, until the moment he told me the situation had naturally resolved.
This experience shook me to my core. I developed so much anxiety that I lost all 50 pounds of baby weight. I couldn’t enjoy the small moments — like watching my kids play together, doing a family photo shoot, or planning my daughter’s third birthday party — without wondering if it was my last time. I feared every single phone call, in the event it was coming from a doctor. I stopped reading my horoscope because I didn’t want to see any health forecasts. I had to do breathwork just to fall asleep at night.
The most unsettling thing about it all was that the situation hit me out of the blue
I did not feel sick! The bad news was literally delivered to me one day when I came home from work. I had recently applied for life insurance and the company sent me a rejection letter. My primary care physician told me the liver levels on my report were of someone with a serious disease, and the lab must have mixed up my results. He wanted to do his own bloodwork. But his yielded the same results.
The day my doctor called to tell me I had to see a specialist, I broke down. The phone call took place when I was at work, and I was so upset, I handed the phone to our receptionist so someone with a clear mind could hear the next steps. My life changed in that instant.
I was in my mid-30s and not supposed to deal with something like this — especially just after having a baby
This was supposed to be a time for our family to celebrate. But the universe decided it was a time for me to learn. It set me on a path of mindfulness and self-care. When my dream of becoming a mother came true, I neglected “Joelle,” the person. Being “Mommy” was more important. I never left my kids.
I have to come to realize that I am the best version of myself, for everyone, if I make time for myself
I went to therapy to face my fear of getting sick and learn anxiety management tools. I started to live with intention in everything I do, and chase my dreams — like writing a children’s book.
My son is 4 years old now, and I’m happy to report that I recently got the nerve to apply for life insurance again and have been accepted! I’m still dealing with some issues pregnancy caused to my spine and feet, but I face them with a positive mindset.
Self-care and self-help are always top of mind
I ensure my days are filled with fresh air and alone time, even if it’s just watching my favorite soap operas while I fold laundry or taking the dog on a short walk without the kids in tow. I do a Headspace meditation when I’m stressed and listen to zen music.
When I’m with my kids, I unplug and savor every little moment. Even the fights. I’m so grateful to be here for them. Of course, I still worry that I’m not Invincible Super Mom. But I know that I am doing everything I can to inspire and teach them life lessons so they can fly with their own capes.
