My sister and I had a conversation about trying to find some balance in our lives. We are both working moms who have three kids and enjoy a clean home just like most moms I know. I think we were both coming down from the holiday madness and realizing we’ve overextended ourselves, again.
Personally, I had overscheduled, set high expectations, said yes to too many things, and created a hefty to-do list every day.
I tend to go through phases where I think I can handle it all and should be able to sacrifice to meet all of my kid's desires, all while trying to keep up with my home.
The truth is, we all have times in our lives when getting out of bed and completing the bare minimum feels like a stretch. So why moms continue to feel like we have to be a hero and say yes to everyone is still a mystery. We all know there are no real-life heroes, yet, here we are, continuing to try to do it all.
What we should be doing is learning our limits and being OK with saying no to people, including our kids, so we can take a breather. Every time I push myself into hustling more and being everything for everybody, I grow angry and resentful.
Now, I don’t want to just make it through the week, I want to enjoy my week. That means letting the laundry sit in the dryer longer, canceling plans if needed, and not feeling guilty about taking a personal day off from work. And I certainly don't want to be angry and resentful. No one in my family wants this either because not only am I miserable, they are miserable too.
I’ve come to discover that finding balance isn’t about scheduling everything or tracking the hours you spend working. Instead, I think it’s more about constantly checking in with yourself and being honest about what you can take on.
If you’ve had a stressful day with the kids or at work, nothing is wrong with serving cereal for dinner. If you’ve made plans with girlfriends for a night but don’t have it in you, it’s more than fine to cancel without giving any reason or excuse. If you wish to go to bed right after you tuck the kids in, you most definitely should do that.
The pressure to do it all is very real. We feel like our kids suffer if we work too much. We feel like our jobs suffer if we pay too much attention to the kids. And let’s face it, the house is nearly suffering too. As moms, we need to self-regulate and understand that what we can take on is going to fluctuate. If we’ve committed to something, it’s more than OK to back out. Because the ramifications of not paying attention to what we need will continue to pile up if we don’t pay attention.
