I can see the parents from my kindergartener’s class chatting. During afternoon carpool, they talk with a casualness I’ve never possessed. My nervousness keeps me inside my car a little too long. I’d jump out and tell everyone I’m shy, but I can’t find the words. Five years into this whole motherhood thing, and I’m missing out on the best mom friendships of my life.
I thought it would be easy
When I was a pregnant, I figured finding a best mom friend to share the ups and downs of motherhood would be easy. But I also thought telling my husband to locate a changing table in a men’s restroom would be easy.
In my fantasy, my shy personality would blossom and I’d bond with another mother over lack of sleep and lack of coffee. Now, experience has taught me otherwise. So far, the only mom friend I have is my dog, and we only bond over lack of coffee and how scary our mailman is.
I’m still on the lookout for that friend I can add to speed dial and with whom I can be totally vulnerable.
I did try looking for a BFF with mom friends I had before I became pregnant. My hope was that maybe one of them would casually slip into best friend status. This didn’t happen. Those friends had already chosen their inner circle, and I’d missed out on the best friend rose ceremony. What makes this whole situation even more challenging is that I really am shy.
For years, I’ve been telling my son to use his words, but it’s really me who should. I can’t escape my shy temperament. It’s a personality trait that has been with me since I was old enough to make my little sister order for me at restaurants. This is why, so late in the mom game, I’m wondering if I’ve missed my friend-making window. Every adult in my son’s kndergarten class has a buddy but me. Shouldn’t I have my best friend by now?
Watching the mothers from the safety of my car during carpool, I wish I could be more outgoing.
In the initial stages of friendship, I’m an awkward conversationalist. My brain freezes, and embarrassing pauses make everybody fidget while I try to think of something to talk about other than Star Wars. Once the initial “acquaintance” phase is over, I find my comfort zone and can chat it up with the best of them, but my fear is that no parent will invest that time it takes to get to know me. I had no idea this would be so hard.
Watching other mothers with their best friends, I wonder if I should give up the search. My dog is a fabulous listener and sometimes that’s all I need — but then there are days I crave a deeper connection. I’d love to have a close mom friend who “gets it,” a friend who laughs with me at our parenting mishaps and knows when it’s time to bring over emergency chocolate cake.
There are days during carpool that I’d like to hide in my car or have my sister come talk for me. Still, motherhood has never been about staying comfortable. I’m hopeful over time the parents I encounter will understand the intricacies of my shyness. I’m ready be the best awkward me I can be, and I’d love to have a BFF that welcomes my shyness as my thing. Hopefully, a best friend is out there — maybe she's still summoning the courage to get out her car for carpool.
