The reason I wait with bated breath for each Splitting Upward episode to come out every week is because I literally feel like I'm talking with my girlfriends on the phone or at our favorite pub sharing a mountain of nachos.
The co-hosts make no apologies for their opinions and get right into the mom issues we all feel and think, whether we are divorced or not. This isn't scripted nor are they trying to act as though they have it all figured out. They are just like all other divorced moms — doing the best they can with what they have.
I loved hearing about Julie and Jesenia last week. listening to other women's stories behind their divorces has always been one of those things that makes me feel like I'm not alone. And this week's guest, social media star Tiffany Jenkins, made my week by reminding me, "Single moms are freaking superheroes … your kids are gonna look back and be like, 'Dang. My mom was amazing.'"
Deep down, I know this, but every single mom needs to hear this message from someone. We are all stretched so thin trying to navigate our households, our careers, friendships, and dating. (And please don't put your dating life on the back burner because you don't think you should invest time into your love life — you are so worthy!) We all need an affirmation we can count on.
This life is hard and there are times when my kids see me stressed about trying to get it all done and be everything to them while also trying to invest time into myself. There was a time when I first got divorced when I felt I had to hold it all in and be strong at every turn for them because I knew they were headed for a rough road ahead and I wanted so badly to protect them.
I tried to stop the tears, the frustration when our stove stopped working, and the curses when the basement flooded. I tried to hide my dating life and the fact I was talking to a therapist because I somehow felt if they found out, they would think I was changing too much and they would be uncomfortable with some of my decisions.
I soon realized my kids need to see me a human being who tries, makes mistakes, and has very real feelings. After all, if I was always stoic and showed zero emotion — whether it was something that involved my new life or not — I'd be showing them I wasn't growing and trying to move forward.
Maybe they don't always see my superheroism now, but Tiffany is right: When they get older and have kids of their own, they will realize how difficult this parent road can be, and they'll see I did my best with the situation and how much I love them.
I might not get that return from them now but I don't really need it. What I need is to remember I can want the best for my kids and look out for myself as a single mom, too. That includes giving myself permission to stop momming long enough to go on a date, get a manicure, or talk to my best friend on the phone for a few hours.
After all, if we aren't investing in ourselves, we have nothing to give back to our children. And Lord knows, single moms need reserves since it's all on our shoulders.
Listen to Splitting Upward, Episode 3:
