Reading to My Newborn Helped Shake My New Mom Anxieties

I was doing it wrong. That’s what the tiny voice inside me warned. I doubted all my parenting choices from how often to nurse at night to what kind of socks my kid should wear. Being a first-time mom had my head spinning with everything I had to consider. I tried ignoring the voice that told me all my instincts were off, but it judged my every choice. Maybe there was a postnatal supplement that could boost my parenting confidence along with my breast milk? Would my new mom nervousness ever go away?

I was exhausted. Sure, I was tired for the obvious reasons that began and ended with taking care of a non-sleeping newborn, but I was also emotionally drained. A small thing like changing my son’s diaper suddenly became a big thing. If my little one so much as whimpered or kicked his legs weirdly on the changing table, not only did I doubt my ability to change diapers, but that’s when my existential mom crisis would begin. I started taking longer showers to have time to count up all the mistakes I was clearly making.

Not sure what to do, I stuck with my original parenting plan. I knew establishing a schedule could help a baby feel secure and even sleep better at night, so I tried to find a rhythm that worked for us. I also hoped this consistency would help quiet my new mom nerves. Naptimes and feeding times didn’t always go as planned, but reading books at bedtime was instantly part of my newborn's nighttime ritual. 

Sitting together in our rocker, he and I spent quality time saying good night to the moon, patting the bunny, and seeing what the polar bear saw. The sound of my voice seemed to soothe him, and studies show larger areas of a baby’s brain are activated when hearing their mother’s voice. So, I kept up our bedtime ritual, ready to pass on all the benefits reading out loud had to offer with supporting language skills and developing empathy. What I didn’t think about were the perks reading aloud offered me – a nervous newbie mama after a full day of parenting.

After a few weeks of reading aloud, I caught myself thinking in the afternoon about what books we might choose in the evening. Instead of playing out every doomsday book-reading scenario where I unwittingly picked the wrong picture book and scarred my kid for life, I felt relaxed.

Maybe it made sense, as reading had always been a favorite pastime of mine. As a kid, I’d sneak away to a comfy corner of my room and get lost in a good book. And over the years, this hadn’t changed much except I outgrew small corners. Cradling my son in one hand and holding a book in the other felt, well, natural.

Using my voice to connect us, I was surprised I’d found a way to connect to myself, too.

It offered me an opportunity to step out of my new mom worries to a familiar place of calm. Studies show reading aloud can increase the bond between parent and baby, but I never thought settling down with a good board book would help ground me and create a confidence I could carry while parenting my son. 

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