As a new mom, I felt out of my element. Holding my crying newborn, I checked in with my instincts for how to soothe him. I couldn’t decide if my son’s wails were drowning out my inner whispers or if I had no motherly intuition at all. There was no wise inside voice giving me my next move. Mostly, my first-time mom nerves took up my emotional attention and made me question all things parenting.
During those rare seconds when I actually slept, I dreamt of a magical fairy godmother imparting all the momming wisdom I needed — and possibly bibbidi-bobbidi-boo-ing me some new yoga pants. So, for all you first-time moms out there, I’m going to be your fairy godmother and pass on all the secrets I wish I had when I was starting out. Having all this inside parenting info would’ve allowed me to sink deeper into the joy of parenting instead of drowning in self-doubt — but you’ll have to buy your own yoga pants.
1. Tired is the new normal
There’s really no way around the sleep deprivation of the newborn phase. Getting eight hours of beauty sleep all in a row (or ever) isn’t easy to come by, but like all stages, this one isn’t forever. Eventually, your child will sleep through the night and you can stay up binge-watching Stranger Things once again.
2. Please ask for help
Stepping into your new mom role can feel super stressful and that’s when support from family and friends can help you deal with this stress better. So, ask for the assistance you need, because it boosts your confidence. And when you allow those you trust to be there for you, you’re better able to be there for your baby.
3. It’s OK to feel lost
The first time you try anything new it can feel super awkward, and the same is true with motherhood. You won’t have all the parenting answers immediately, and that’s OK, because you and your baby will figure it out together.
4. You may cry a lot
Coffee commercials or the sound of a loved one’s voice might find you bursting into unexpected tears. Shifting hormones and your ever-expanding mom heart can bring on the big feels, but around six months after giving birth, your hormones should shift back to normal. Still, I can’t guarantee you won’t sob the first time your kiddo says, “Mama.”
5. Your body will feel better
Morning sickness, nausea, and sore boobs are just a few of the ways your body changes during pregnancy. After nine months of all that, it can be hard to remember what it felt like being you. Postpartum recovery is different for everyone, but you (and your nipples) will begin to feel more normal as time goes on.
6. Give yourself grace
While you and your infant get to know each other, you might mess up a burping session or a sleep schedule. It happens. Give yourself permission not to judge your parenting mistakes. Let go of the pressure of trying to be a perfect parent, and just be there for your newborn.
7. It’s all a beautiful blur
There are so many beautiful nuances as a first-time parent: first smiles, first giggles, and first hugs. It can be difficult to notice all these things when parenting nerves (and sleep deprivation) take over. When you’re able to, breathe into these lovely little moments and swaddle them close.
My chapter in first-time motherhood held more emotional ups and downs than a season of Outlander. It was a glorious, sleepy ride that expanded my heart and boobs in ways I never imagined possible. Knowing that all stages shift and change helped me move through them with greater appreciation and ease — and, of course, now that it’s all in the past, I miss every one (except maybe those long evenings of colic). So, I hope I’ve been a good fairy godmother/mom friend and have given you first-timers some helpful tips so that you can revel in the beginnings of your motherhood journey.
