Social distancing is keeping our friends far away but our family close. Now that we’re spending all our time together, my husband is sinking all his time into our family. He’s taking the dog for hourlong walks, visualizing putting the dishes away, and parenting like a superhero. Well, like a bumbling superhero. His recent attempts at parenting look a lot like Captain Underpants instead of Captain America. His Spidey-sense is way off. He’s over-investing in our 6-year-old’s well-being, and this misstep is creating a powerful web of tension in our household.
One of the super things about raising our son together is that my husband and I had developed a super system
We’d set up our parenting roles early on: Dad is the fun guy, taking on playtime like a boss; and I’m the bossy parent that calms, reassures, and sets boundaries.
Using our innate superpowers, we instinctively knew when it was our turn to step in and guide our 6-year-old. If our little guy was having a meltdown, it was my turn. If our little guy was feeling sad, it was my turn. If our little guy wanted to play, I told him to go find his father. We would leap tall buildings in a single bound in order to support the other’s role.
But, now that my husband is home 24/7, he’s decided to take on all the roles.
'I’ve got this,' my husband says as he rushes past me
Our son is crying because homeschooling is lame. He doesn’t understand why he has to practice his writing here with us instead of at school with his teacher. Emotional breakdowns are my jam. My son and I work well together navigating his sensitive side. This is where my husband usually lets me handle it — but not this morning.
Today, Mr. I’ve Got This is loving enough when talking with our son, but I see glimpses of annoyance when our kid doesn’t calm as quickly for my husband as he does with me. My husband’s inability to remain patient seeps through and our child cries harder. My husband may be filled with the best of intentions, but he’s throwing off our parenting dynamic.
I stand there thinking, “Nope, you don’t got this.”
I thought maybe my husband would find his grove
If he did, then I could finish that magazine I started reading in 2013, but that hasn’t happened. Moments like these are happening more often and along with it comes an underlying tension. Each time my husband steps in unsuccessfully, my kid gets more confused and I become more agitated. That’s when I can stand it no longer. I move in to try and soften the edges of his mistakes. I’m left with an upset kid, a frustrated husband, and a super big mess to clean up and calm down.
These days, I’m missing the parenting consistency my husband and I had established. It provided me with a sense of stability — especially now when everything outside is so unstable. I feel like my job is getting outsourced. I know our son is totally confused.
Something has to change — and it might have to be my husband
I wasn’t sure if I should say something, but my husband and I needed to talk. When I explained the situation, he was perplexed. Then the hurt set in. But since emotional meltdowns are my jam, I had this. We had a heart-to-heart, and while our balance is still in flux, one element remains: We both want to use our superpowers to be super parents to our son.
