“Why aren’t you on social media that much anymore?” friends and colleagues now ask me.
“Mental health,” I reply.
They instantly get it.
Prior to 2017, I used to throw around the words “mental health” as a respectful yet passive casual catchphrase about self-care and self-worth, particularly for us moms who were overrun with trite errands, scattered responsibilities, or lack of time to squeeze in all the things on our lists. Mental health used to be funny memes and Facebook updates about escaping to Target or the beach for a few hours without kids. Mental health has now become a top-tier, personal weekly priority that precedes pretty much all else in my house.
Blame COVID-19
Blame distance learning. Blame politics. Blame continued shutdowns and loss of jobs and businesses. Blame the devastating humanitarian crisis erupting in my ancestors’ homeland of Armenia right now. Blame my stinky dishes constantly piled high in my sink. Blame personal, life-changing chapters that altered our previous ways of absorbing our world around us years ago. Blame everything that’s happening all at once in our communities — mental health has become virtually impossible to reset with a quick mani/pedi.
We are all in emergency mode — in different ways and in the same ways
What do we do? Well, I’ve pulled an almost unthinkable rip cord: I’ve distanced myself from social media. (Not joking. Yes, it is possible.)
Here’s what continues to work for me, but just a warning: This is not easy and takes discipline, focus, strategy, and tough-mother guts to pull off:
- Disable all alerts for all apps on my phone — the only alerts I get these days are for texts. I don’t know who has DM’d, emailed, commented, or tagged me unless I go into Facebook/Instagram/email to consciously check and see.
- Commit to NO social media on weekends. I start my detoxes on Fridays. Sometimes I’m back on Monday, sometimes I allow several days to pass before allowing myself to scroll.
- When I scroll, I set a timer for 10 minutes. When that timer dings, I PUT THE PHONE DOWN. (I do allow myself more time if I’m reading an article or watching a video I clicked on… but if I’m just scrolling and fuming about people’s perceptions and commentaries on the world: PHONE DOWN.)
- No commenting on other people’s posts unless I know them personally in real life. Likes for strangers are OK, angry reactions are not.
- No interacting with anyone who leaves a comment under one of my posts if I do not know them in real life. If a positive comment, I will like theirs. If negative, I ignore.
- My rule for commenting/debating (with those I know in real life) is: One comment to respond to theirs, that’s it. Facebook and Instagram are not a sane or appropriate venue to debate complex topics with unending back-and-forths. If you want to discuss more, let’s find a time to talk… like humans used to do.
- Remove, block, and delete are confidently enabled as needed. No, this is not censorship — this is self-care. Anyone who sends me inflammatory messages that attack and/or publicly assassinate my character about why-I-don’t-think-this-or-why-I-should-do-that will be removed, blocked, or deleted in the name of mental health. Because none of us deserve to be attacked through a screen. (What happened to that whole anti-bullying movement in the parenting world a few years ago?!)
- DMs will not necessarily be acknowledged, read, or responded to in a timely matter. Should anyone’s DM be agressive, it will respectfully be ignored.
These guidelines were personally created and developed for one sole purpose: MY HEALTH
For my family, for my day-to-day ability to function, raise kids, and live a contented life — because I love and care about myself.
We’ve read the science and research: Scrolling ignites “reactionary poison” in our brains and is simultaneously addictive. Not. Good. For. Mental. Health. SO STOP IT. (Or, at least give ourselves a gift of recovery days each week.)
Every day, every week, every month, every decision, every change, every loss is now an uphill battle to fight for our own mental health — individually and collectively.
Yes, my rules might seem silly given how much our connectivity, livelihoods, news, and information revolve around social media, but very few things are more important to any given family than a mother’s health. Think about it.
Now make yourself ignore Facebook for 30 minutes.
