“Do you take this man to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, to love and to cherish, until death do you part?”
“I do.”
I promised this to my dashing groom a whopping 12 years ago this summer. I meant every single word of it. I committed my life to him, but what he didn’t know was that I was already spoken for … by my best friend.
You see, years before he ever entered the picture, I already had a life partner.
My husband and I exchanged rings on that hot day in August. They represented our love and commitment, and serve as a reminder that this person is mine and I will choose to love him forever.
Several years ago, my bestie and I decided to buy rings to signify our eternal friendship — rings to wear on our right hands to represent another love and commitment. Another life partner.
The vows I promised to my husband were said blindly, out of love, in that annoying pre-marital naiveté. They’re what you say at the beginning of your marriage without a clue of what life is going to throw at you. I didn’t know what I was getting into — yet, after all this time, I’d say them all over again.
However, the vows between my BFF and me were never stated all at once or out loud. They were created over time, through experiences and life and heartbreak and happiness. And they become more solid as the days, years and decades pass.
If we were to take a second to think and actually write out our unsaid promises of friendship to each other, they’d probably go something like this:
“I take you as my best friend, from this day forward, through first dates and failed relationships. Through weddings, bills and a billion moves.
"I promise to be there when no one understands the sorrow filling you after you lose a pregnancy and to make you pad-sicles when a little one finally does come into this world and tears your lady bits to pieces.
So, I have two life partners (and they know about each other, gasp!)
"I vow to treat your kids as my own and hate the judgy moms at preschool who have the nerve to question your parenting skills.
"I do solemnly promise to commit to watching any new primetime drama that you are obsessed with so we can talk about it the day after it airs, and to like every picture you post on Instagram.
"I vow to blindly take your side in nearly every situation, but promise I will gently put you in your place if you are obviously wrong.
"I will hold your hand as you watch your parents age and health fade. And when it is time to go through their house of keepsakes and memories, I will roll up my sleeves and bring Kleenex and wine.
"And if, one day, you have the nerve to get sick, I promise to shave my head if you lose your hair and sit by your side through every moment of chemo, reading you trashy magazines and painting your nails.
"I vow to be your person, through the good, the bad and the ugly until death do us part.”
So, I have two life partners (and they know about each other, gasp!). It sounds rather scandalous, I know. Yet, being committed to two people in two very different ways does not split my attention or my love — it multiplies it and makes this full life even better.
