I haven’t met them in person yet, but they’ve changed my life. We’ve had so many conversations in our DM’s that have impacted my parenting and my life. I can think back to that time some of them helped me figure out what I could do to teach my son about his letters, and about those times when we discussed the need for talking to our daycare providers about celebrating Black History Month. I didn’t realize how much I looked forward to those messages.
And no, I’m not talking about in-person mom friends I get to see all the time — I’m talking about my social media mom tribe.
After having my first son, I didn’t feel great leaving the house, but I needed to talk with someone! There are topics that our spouses and partners just cannot relate to, and the moms with older children who are past the baby stage weren’t always helpful, either.
It was becoming too hard to find other moms in the same stage as me
Although my work friends who checked on me were great, and my friends from church loved on me, I needed some new additions to my tribe.
I believe that a mom tribe should consist of women who are ahead of you, behind you, and at the same place in life as you. The world of social media allows you to fill in these gaps with just a few taps on your phone keyboard.
Over the past four years, I’ve met women in all parts of the country. We have grown really close. I can send a message to a mom friend at any time of day or night and know that she’ll get back to me within just a few hours. These friends in my newly expanded tribe didn’t require me to meet them in person, try to find a babysitter, have awkward small talk, or anything else that may be uncomfortable when meeting new people. Thanks to social media, we can become fast friends.
By finding my new friends on social media, I’m able to learn a lot about them just by watching their IG stories and scrolling through their feeds. Finding out how many kids they have, their ages, what they like to do for fun, and if we have anything in common is easy by doing a little digging into their profiles.
I’m so thankful for this extended tribe
I can literally bring anything to them and know I won’t feel judged, won’t be gossiped about to other friends, or think that I won’t have their support.
When interacting with a new mom on social media, I start with a few actions to make sure the desire to develop a friendship is mutual. I also like to double check that this person is a good fit for my tribe and vice versa.
First, I follow her! Following a person on social media lets them know immediately that you’re interested, but it’s not an overbearing message. It can be difficult to make friends as an adult because we’re often concerned about how we come across to the other person. By hitting the “follow” button, we don’t have to be embarrassed by anything — it’s just the natural thing to do on social media.
Once we’re following each other, I like to interact in small doses. Whenever I see a poll, a question sticker, or a chance to respond to something that I can talk about, I try to do just that! Interaction is always hard to come by on social media — people just like to lurk — so I try to stand out and be supportive by interacting with their account.
If we find that we have things in common, I may slide into their DMs
Moms are hesitant to reach out to other moms. This could be due to past rejection, fear of seeming over the top, or thinking we don’t have enough time to devote to a new relationship.
Finally, I stay in touch. Whenever I think about a funny meme or find that we start to have an inside joke, I send a message to that new friend, letting them know I’m thinking about her and thought she’d like to see this post or that message. When people know that you care about them and are mutually interested in friendship, they know that it is safe to engage back. That’s where a friendship develops.
If a mom doesn’t respond or engage back, I move on to the next person. No harm, no foul. It is just social media after all, but it can become so much more when we use it responsibly and show our true selves. And for these connections in the often hard and lonely years of motherhood, I’ll always be grateful.
