Over the past few years I've noticed that people are starting to normalize things that once used to have stigmas surrounding them — whether they're sharing mental health awareness, body positivity, or even talking about their experiences in order to further the Me Too movement.
It's so great that we can talk now about these issues openly and further educate ourselves, but its also been strange to see the amount of shaming that comes along with speaking our truths.
One group in particular that I constantly see being shamed is moms
As moms, we are put down for the way we choose to parent: how we feed our kids, how we discipline, how much we share of our children online, what schools we send them to, if we breastfed or bottle fed, and the list goes on. We’re also shamed for how we conduct ourselves: how we choose to dress ourselves, the way we speak around our children, how we act, how we manage our stress, and again, the list goes on. We’re even shamed for simply talking about the ups and downs of our endless days too much.
I'm an oversharer by nature
I do it because I need to talk through my thoughts and feelings in order to process and understand them. Throughout my life I’ve been belittled by people who don’t understand why I choose to speak out on certain things. And often times, these people will not want to really hear how things are going, but they still ask – something I will never understand.
Because of this, there have been so many times where I’ve wanted to stop sharing with anyone. I’ve wanted to quit social media all together and just stay in my own little family bubble to avoid the drama.
During these times, I would catch myself apologizing for complaining and venting and I would tell myself, “Nobody wants to hear this”, and “I need to stop.” I had started to feel shame for doing something that ultimately helps me be a better woman and mom because it helps me not bottle up my emotions.
Its taken me quite a bit of time to get to this point, but I’ve come to see that I have the right to talk about my life — without apology.
Motherhood is overwhelming and we work 24/7, both physically and mentally
Physically, we are the nurse, the nanny, the maid, the driver, the cook, the teacher, and so much more. Mentally, we are dealing with all of the anxiety and worry that comes along with the many jobs we have. This isn’t even mentioning our personal struggles, relationships with others, and any career we may have outside the home.
Every mom has their own set of challenges and they don’t need the added stress of other people’s judgements to make them feel worse. And they don’t need other people — especially other moms — silencing them.
Personally, I’m not going to keep apologizing for being human and needing to talk about the stressors in my life, because it’s healthier for me to process them rather than hold it all in. From sharing my experiences and hardships, I’ve come to see how there’s always someone out there who’s watching and is in the same spot as me. I’ll often get messages from other moms where they tell me they’re proud of me for sharing my truth.
And so am I
In the process of me feeling better, another mom feels better — and together, we share a kinship for going through the same experience. This gives good opportunities to bounce ideas and encouragement back and forth. It lets us feel heard and human and less alone. And that’s nothing to be sorry for.
So if you’re a mom, please don’t feel ashmaed for talking about what’s going on in your life — and I would encourage you to do it more, because clearly what we really need to normalize is letting mothers be human.
