I’ve been writing about adoption for 15 years. On multiple occasions, especially after some of my articles went viral, media outlets would email me, asking for the details. They wanted access to my children’s photos, their names and ages, and most of all, their personal adoption stories. Every single time, I declined.
First, I am absolutely unashamed of our family
I describe us as adoptive, multiracial, big, and “real.” So many times, society implies that adoptive families are fake or second-rate when compared to biological families. Because of this, adoptive families are also quite intriguing.
We look different, and everyone is dying to get “the scoop"
However, just because I’m proud of my family, it doesn’t mean I’m willing to break the trust my children and their birth families have in me. I won’t sell my children’s personal adoption stories in order to gain personal fame or applause.
My children aren’t charity cases, nor did they ever ask to be adoption spokespeople.
To be blunt, my children’s personal adoption stories are none of anyone else’s business
Therefore, it’s my job to keep them private. If and when my children want to tell their stories, they can, on their terms, in their own way, and to whomever they choose.
I’ve been contacted to be on reality shows, documentaries, and talk shows, as well as interviews for adoption “specials.” I have said yes to a few of these appearances, but only under the stipulation that I will not compromise my children’s privacy. I am uninterested in being a famous adoptive family.
My husband and I chose to adopt after I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. This autoimmune disease can complicate pregnancy and can be passed down to biological children. I share this to say that we adopted for selfish reasons.
We wanted to be parents — and having children the “old-fashioned way” wasn’t ideal for us
With each child joining our family, we learned more and more from adoptees (that’s people who were adopted) — including our own four kids. Some of the overwhelming messages we received were that adoptees don’t want to feel like objects that are “gifts” to be passed around.
They also value as much control as possible over their stories — because much of it isn’t in their control — as they process their adoptions. Adoptive parents have the responsibility to hold the story sacred, support the adoptee, and not make the adoption all about themselves.
As someone who spent several years speaking and writing about adoption for a living, I also never wanted my children to learn intimate details about their adoption stories from the internet.
Over the years, I’ve had millions of readers and viewers — and no stranger deserves my child’s information more than my child does.
I am honored to be my children’s chosen mom
My job is to raise my children well and to prioritize them. To me, this means never exploiting their stories — not even with the intention of educating others on adoption.
Their adoptions are deeply personal, and I plan to keep it that way, always.
When you see a family like mine, I implore you not to nudge the family, especially the children, to spill the tea. If a family feels you need to know something, they will share it — hopefully in a respectful way that has the child’s best interests at heart.
