My husband’s family owns a cabin in upstate New York. Before kids, my husband and I used to drive up there from the NYC metropolitan area each summer — sometimes multiple times in a summer. When our first child was born, one of the things we were looking forward to most was taking him upstate and letting him run wild on the trails, watching him dip his tiny toes in the lake.
The only problem was that our son hated car rides
Actually, I don’t know if “hate” is a strong-enough word. Unlike most babies, our son did not find the car soothing. And he was one of those rare creatures who wouldn’t fall asleep in the car. Instead, he would scream. At the top of his lungs. For the entire car ride.
This posed a problem, considering that driving upstate was a 4-to-5-hour ride. Once our son’s first summer came along, I wasn’t so sure that our dream of showing him our upstate family home would become a reality. But my husband thought it would be OK — we’d figure it out, even if it meant stopping more than usual. Our extended family didn’t understand why driving with a baby for a few hours would be a problem.
So, I gave in. I decided to give it a try. And it was one of the worst parenting mistakes of my life.
That four-ish-hour car ride ended up taking eight hours
Eight hours of pure hell. I sat in the back seat with our son trying to keep him happy. He did OK when I made funny faces or read to him or showed him his favorite toys, but that would only last 15 to 20 minutes before he started crying again.
Things would get worse when he got tired for naps. A tired baby who can’t sleep is a total nightmare. He screamed and screamed. So we ended up having to stop for each of his naps, put him to sleep out of the car, and hold him till he woke up. (No, we couldn’t transfer him to the car seat — he would have woken up again.)
We did end up making it to our destination eventually, but the whole experience rattled me beyond belief. I was completely exhausted — emotionally and physically. I think we had a nice enough time for the days that we spent upstate that summer, but I dreaded the way home. Dreaded it.
And, yes, the way home was just as brutal
I can still hear my son’s blood-curdling cries.
Once we made it home, I told my husband, “Never again. I am never taking a baby on a long car ride again.” After having lived through two horrifying eight-hour car rides, he got it this time. But I wished I had listened to my instincts the first time.
After that horrible experience, I became much more clear with myself and with others that I had limits when it came to traveling with young kids. We didn’t do a long car ride with my son again until he was older and wasn’t such a nightmare in the car.
When our second son came along — who was a little more tolerant of the car, but not by much — I ended up breaking our upstate trip into two trips, with a stay overnight in a hotel. It sounds kind of nuts to do that for a day trip, but it was so much better, and we ended up enjoying a mini vacation in the Catskills before heading further upstate.
I still wished that I had listened to my own inner voice that first time, telling me that taking a baby who hates the car on a road trip was a terrible idea. But as a first-time parent, it was hard to know if I was making a smart choice or if I was acting out of an irrational fear. Plus, first-time parents experience so much pressure from family who seem to know better than them, that it can be hard to stand up and say what you need.
So, this is a message to all the other first-time parents who feel like traveling with their little one is just too much
And you don’t even have to have a baby who is as car-averse as mine was to set some limits. You are totally allowed to say, “I think we will have to pass this year.” Having a little one is hard, and you deserve the right to say what works and doesn’t work for you.
Before you know it, traveling will be easier. I promise. But until then, it’s totally OK if you want to keep things local. You don’t have to please everyone, and your child will be perfectly happy exploring the world around you before venturing out into the big, wide world.
