I was not OK. I went from being a happily married woman who was able to have kids very easily, to a divorced single mother of three teenagers. I can fully admit, I had no idea what it felt like to not be OK. Sure, I had hard days — days when it seemed like there was no end in sight and I was sucking as a mother — but, I always knew my partner was coming home. I knew he’d help me if I asked for it. I had someone to vent to. I never had to worry about if and when we were able to have children, because every time we tried, we succeeded.
However, after my life changed, I began to have more days when I was really uncomfortable
I remember in the beginning — after my husband moved out and I had to jump-start my career, which had been stagnant for 13 years because I was a full-time mom — I had a lot of days where I didn’t feel OK.
And if you’ve been comfortable for a long time, you know how scary and draining the feeling of the unknown can be.
It’s been four years now, and I’ve battled with a lot of things: struggles with parenting, wondering if I’d be able to keep my home, trying to figure out how to manage it all alone after having a partner, dating again, and rediscovering myself.
Along the way there has been so many times I didn’t feel OK with anything and I’d fight it. I’d try to numb myself with staying busy. I’d tell myself I had no reason to not be OK because so many other people had it worse than I did.
But I was wrong
We try so hard to fix it or come out of our discomfort. We try to distract ourselves or ignore situations or feelings simply because we’ve been trained to think if we aren’t OK, it’s all going to come crashing down. And that's simply not true.
I think if 2020 has taught us anything, it’s that it’s OK to not be OK.
We are allowed to have our moments, our days, and our weeks where we are just barely able to function. We are allowed to check out and glide through the day. We are allowed to rest. And, dammit, if someone asks us how we're doing, we are allowed to not say, “I’m OK.”
What is that about?
Why do we do that? Why do we feel like we're supposed to be OK all the time?
Life is full of the unexpected, the good, the trying, and the really hard stuff that brings us to our knees. And we're so hard on ourselves that we think we're supposed to be OK all the time no matter what we're going through.
It’s OK to not be OK
It’s OK to admit it. It’s OK to feel it and not try to fix it.That's a form of self-care, too.
The other day, as I was taking down the Christmas ornaments, I was really struggling. I was sick, my kids were sick, I was overwhelmed, I was behind, I was missing my old life, I was anxious about the future.
I wasn't OK and I just let that be my story until it passed — which it did — because life is like that: It never stays the same, and we just have to go with it, because it’s better than trying to fight off all the times we're struggling.
So do yourself a favor and stop doing that, OK?
