Polycystic ovarian syndrome, or PCOS, wasn’t even on the radar when I was growing up. There were signs that my body and period were not the same as everyone else’s, but it wasn’t something you really talked much about growing up. I didn’t realize how different it was, and that it could have been a sign of a future diagnosis of infertility and PCOS later in life.
Because my cycle could be so wonky, I went on birth control right before I got married
I was worried that I would never know if I was pregnant or if my period was just doing something weird again that month. Looking back, I wish I had known more about both PCOS and how birth control affects your body. I didn’t think about the repercussions of taking these types of medications.
Growing up, my cycles were always between five and seven weeks long. The further apart they were, the worse my period affected me when it did come. I had more pain than I should have and even fainted a couple of times while on those longer cycles. I had other PCOS symptoms too — like hair growth and difficulty losing weight. I never really sought out solutions for these issues, but mostly ignored them for a long time.
When I got married, my only concern was to avoid pregnancy
We were young and not ready for kids, so this seemed like the easiest solution and one that wouldn’t have me constantly agonizing over what my body was doing in a given month. I suppressed ovulation for seven years and had no reservations about doing it at the time. Once I went off birth control, I had a couple of cycles before my period just completely stopped. I assumed I was pregnant and then was crushed when I wasn’t. That was the point when I got my PCOS diagnosis.
What followed were rounds of medications and ultrasounds to see if I had ovulated. I would not wish infertility on anyone. It is exhausting, time-consuming, and emotional. You internalize thoughts about why your body isn’t working and wonder what you could have done differently. The guilt is overwhelming.
I wondered if all those years of suppressing ovulation affected my body
My first child was conceived with the help of medications, but my second was natural. I have never gone back on birth control since. I no longer think that messing with my hormones and my body’s natural process is a good idea.
While I still deal with PCOS symptoms, I have no desire to throw a Band-Aid over it. Losing weight is hard, but thankfully my cycle has regulated itself now that I’m not on any medications. It’s hard trying to manage PCOS much of the time. I don’t know that the birth control years affected me, but I know for certain that I won’t go down that road ever again.
