Am I Losing My Marriage (and Me) to My iPhone?

I worry.

Par for the course for 2015, it seems.

The last few times I have found myself really relaxed and feeling in tune with what I call 1995 (meaning pre-technology onslaught), I have found myself returning from a few days away from technology. Perhaps even just a measly 24 hours.

For instance, yesterday my 3 year-old daughter, my 12 ½ year-old dog and I got into my minivan and drove up a to a mountain outside of Los Angeles to watch my 8-year-old son ski.

I haven’t been yet, as most Saturdays I stay home with our two smallest children and my husband takes our oldest up. It’s also a long drive.

My kind husband picked a back route for me, one that would take slightly longer but would avoid the steep mountain roads that made me worried I’d have a panic attack on.

See? I worry.

So the three of us headed out and we drove on the California freeways, which always remind me of scenes out of “Road Warrior” starring Mel Gibson: people are driving way to fast, there’s a ton of concrete and it’s intense.

Once we were able to get off the main freeway and drive along a highway road, I began to enjoy our road trip.

We hit a commuter town that has done very poorly over the last few years due to more people wanting to live in the cities. There were a ton of vacated buildings, and this carnival was set up against a backdrop of suburban ugliness and a beautiful mountain that had miles of dry desert in between the natural beauty and abandoned center for fun.

I suddenly began to get lost in a space I rarely go. Quiet wonder.

I remember many road trips growing up and, in particular of course, my road trip out to Los Angeles from Iowa. I’ll never forget this cute young guy riding in the back of a pickup truck in Colorado. We both smiled at each other at a gas station somewhere in the midst of the mountains.

I am realizing how little eye contact one has to make nowadays, due to the excuse of smartphones.

I wanted to stop and take pictures but it didn’t feel right with my 3-year-old, who needed to get to our final destination before a breakdown.

The boys all returned and the kids watched a few TV shows and, since not even our iPhones worked, my husband and I just sat and talked. And laughed. I noticed his newly longer hair looked cute and he smelled of sun, sunscreen and mountains. I remembered how much this attracted me to him in the beginning of our relationship.

I don’t know how to become less enslaved to my phone, but I’ve become certain it’s negatively impacting my life.

I was free from my phone for about 24 hours.

We are home now and I feel refreshed.

I don’t know how to become less enslaved to my phone, but I’ve become certain it’s negatively impacting my life. I enjoy social media, but the constant demands of it and getting back to people are wearing on my nerves. Not to mention my marriage.

My husband and I just had some Chinese take-out and discussed our last 24 hours. Usually, we are both defensive when one brings up that the other has been on their phone too much. This time, he immediately said he noticed the upside as well.

He doesn’t get anxiety like me, but it does cause many fights between us. We are both tired of seeing the tops of each others heads.

Perhaps I should go back to a flip phone?

I’m even tired of constantly hopping on it even if I’m just flying solo. I am beginning to think I waste too much time on social media, and it’s a distraction from being creative.

Have you switched back to a flip phone?

At any rate, I feel relaxed and I’m wondering how long I can stay in this 1995 Zen.

Images by Lindsay Kavet

Published March 13, 2015