Try as you might, you can’t solve someone else’s depression or fix their emotional pain. But you can help them feel less alone in the world.
Notice
The outward signs of inner emotional distress are hard to miss. Per the American Psychological Association, signs include:
- Neglect of personal hygiene
- Dramatic change in sleep habits, such a sleeping more often or not sleeping well
- Weight gain or loss
- Decline in performance at work or school
- Pronounced changes in mood, such as irritability, anger, anxiety, or sadness
- Withdrawal from routine activities and relationships
If you notice a loved one exhibiting any of these in tandem, be sure to do a check to see if they're OK.
Ask
Speaking up can be difficult for anyone, no matter how close you are to that person. The APA suggests something simple and straightforward. "Let's talk. You don't seem like yourself lately. Is there something going on?" A simple question can provide some relief for the day or lead to larger conversations.
Listen
This is perhaps the most important piece. Now is the time to sit back, make space, and listen attentively, not necessarily offer suggestions or make judgments. Active listening — showing the other person you’ve heard what they said by repeating it back to them — is about all the talking you should do.
Encourage action
Make sure you proceed with this step gently. R U OK, an Australian organization that works to prevent suicide, has some great prompts to encourage a person to get help.
- Ask: “What have you done in the past to manage similar situations?”
- Ask: “How would you like me to support you?"
- Ask: “What’s something you can do for yourself right now? Something that’s enjoyable or relaxing?”
- You could say: "When I was going through a difficult time, I tried this … You might find it useful too."
- You could say, "It might be useful to link in with someone who can support you. I'm happy to assist you to find the right person to talk to.”
Being proactive and genuine, not judgmental, is essential to this process.
Refrain from saying: 'Let me know what you need'
While well-intended, this phrase puts the onus on the person who is already feeling overwhelmed. Alleviate the burden by offering suggestions on how you can help them, like driving them to the doctor's office, or coming over for the night.
Check in
A one-time heart-to-heart can be powerful, but people who are struggling emotionally often need support over the long haul. Be the one to send a text. Leave the voicemail. Send the email. Without expectations, show your friend or family member that there are people in their life who care.
Remember, you’re not a therapist
You’re a friend. Leave the heavy lifting to the professionals and simply show up for anyone in your life who is having a hard time. Notice. Ask. Listen. Encourage action. Most importantly, just be there.
Say the 'S' word
Saying the word “suicide” doesn’t make it any more likely to happen — in fact, just the opposite.
"When you're able to say the 'S word,' you acknowledge it. It takes the power away,” Dese'Rae Stage, a suicide awareness activist, told CNN. “Then say, 'What can I do?' or 'How can I help?' They may not have an answer, but it's worth asking."
*If you or someone you know needs help, call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. You can also text 'HOME' to 741-741 for free, 24-hour support from the Crisis Text Line. *
