Are They or Aren't They?
You could easily spot it in the grocery store: the screaming, the crying, the throwing of their teeny, tiny body onto the floor. It’s a spoiled child, and sometimes our kids just can’t help but act that way.
Or can they?
While some of the signs of a spoiled child are right before our eyes (see above), others tend to be more subtle. We spoke with Lori Mackey, founder and CEO of Prosperity4Kids, Inc, and Neale Godfrey, author of Money Doesn’t Grow on Trees: A Parent’s Guide to Raising Financially Responsible Children, to hear about eight signs that our own kids could be spoiled … and what we can do about it.
'It’s Not Fair!' Is a Favorite Phrase
What to do: Tell your kid that while some things in life won’t be fair, all we can do is try our hardest not to be a victim of unfairness. Point out all the good things your child does have, and explain how there are other children out there who don’t have what he does, so he should be grateful for those things.
Your Child Never Shares
What to do: The easiest way to introduce your child to the concept of sharing is to use her own money as an example. “For every dollar your child receives, have him give 10 cents to a charity of his choice,” suggests Mackey. “Giving teaches compassion for others, which will help combat a spoiled child.”
You Find Yourself Bribing Them
What to do: Instead of bribing, try bartering. “Bartering teaches that everything in life is cause-and-effect,” says Mackey. “Plus it’s worked for centuries … so why not try it with your kids!” For example, set up a system with your child so that when her room is clean, she can then go outside to play. If she finishes her homework, she can then have a specific amount of time to watch TV. “Follow-through is a must and, as the parent, you cannot give in,” says Mackey. If you do, you’re teaching your kid that she can get what she wants, even when she doesn’t fulfill her end of the bargain.
Your Child Doesn’t Listen to You
What do to: Children need, and thrive with, boundaries. “All they are doing by not listening is testing how far they can push you,” says Mackey. “Explain to your child your job as a parent is not to be friends—they already have enough of those. Tell them as a parent, it’s your job to keep them safe and secure above all else.” And explains that that’s why it’s so important they listen to you.
Your Kid 'Needs' Everything
What to do: While it’s only natural that your child will want things from time to time, when your kid starts telling you that she wants things when you’re out, it’s time to start teaching the difference between needs and wants. “Play a game when you’re in the kitchen, store or car,” says Godfrey. “Point out something and ask your kid if she thinks she needs or wants that item.” Eventually your child will start to understand that certain things are necessary (like milk, for example), while others (like the fancy chocolate milk with the dancing cow on the front that comes with a prize) are wants.
They Throw Tantrums if They Don't Get a Toy
What to do: Set the ground rules before you go into the store, says Mackey. Either your child will or will not be getting a toy on this trip, and that’s all there is to it. You should also discuss ahead of time whether you’ll allow her to use her own money to make a purchase if she wants something. Giving your child a heads up on what to expect ahead of time can help avoid tantrums once you’re inside.
He Justifies With 'But Johnny Has It!'
What to do: Explain to your child that lots of other parents will let their kids have things that your child will not be having. “Stick to your guns. Explain that you set the rules,” says Godfrey. Teach your child that just because something works in one family, that doesn’t necessarily mean it will work in yours.
Your Kid Wants Everything on TV
What to do: A lot of times kids will feel the urge to purchase every new toy and game they see when their parents often give in to them and allow them to do so. “Stop buying your child things that aren’t necessary, and let your kid earn and learn the value of a dollar,” says Mackey. “They will never spend their own money like they will yours.” If you’ve set up an allowance system where your child is donating a certain percentage to a charity and saving a certain percentage for future goals (like that $100 bike he wants), go ahead and let him spend his fun money on whatever he wants. When he runs out of money time and time again, he’ll quickly start to understand the value of a dollar.
