Becoming a mom changes all aspects of your life. Your priorities shift and then shift again. You no longer have yourself as your primary concern. Even your partner gets pushed into the background a little bit as the baby takes the lead.
Going out for dinner and drinks with friends quickly becomes a thing of the past
Running out to meet your BFF for coffee at a moment’s notice is no longer a possibility. Parties at your house with cocktails interfere with the kids’ bedtime. Going over to anyone’s house now requires a babysitter and is a much bigger deal than it used to be. Not only that, but you need to make sure that the babysitter knows what each kid will eat and how to prepare it, or you need to make sure to bring along everything they need if you take them to their grandparents’ house.
Keeping up with friends now is a lot different than when you were young.
During your life, your friendships go in cycles
When you are a kid, making friends is a huge part of your life. Having someone your age to confide in as you grow is essential to your existence and development. Your friends are important to you, and you couldn’t imagine your life without them. They are a high priority growing up and into college, but once you get married, some may fall by the wayside as your life changes.
Even though we were married, my husband and I refer to our marriage before kids as “our single days.” We were able to do what we wanted and we saw friends frequently, usually weekly (I can’t even imagine that now!). But then we all started having kids. Rather than interfere with the kids’ naptime or bedtime, we would rather stay home because the fallout isn’t worth it. And believe me, there will be fallout if you mess with naptime or bedtime.
Hanging out with friends shifts far down on your priority list when you become a parent. Talking on the phone seems like an impossible task, with kids yelling in the background. Even though you may have thought of those friends as family, you now have a new one — the one you created with your partner.
On the other hand, I also find that I don’t want to be away from my kids very often
There is only so much time on the weekend, and I want to spend a lot of it with my kids and husband. Our time is so limited during the week with work and other things, and my family is now my priority. Friends are not at the top of the list any longer.
Having children is so all-consuming that it is hard to find time just for friends, but sometimes you do need to separate and see them. You realize who are the ones you fight to keep, and the rest of them naturally fall off. You are more selective now about how you spend your time, and that's how it has to be.
I may have fewer friends than I used to, but the friends I do still have are the ones worth keeping. Recognizing who you need to keep in your life and who you don’t frees up a lot of time. In friendship, it's more about quality than quantity anyway, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
