Let’s be real: Right after you have a baby, sex is literally the last thing on your mind. Having just pushed a baby through there or had major abdominal surgery, you’re in no rush to put anything else in it. Plus, there's so much else to do.
When you have a newborn, your life is not your own
You’re living your life in two-hour increments. You have a hard time finding a way to make time for a shower. You're up all night. Everything is harder. You're exhausted. You're hurting. You may be in pain from labor and delivery.
I was a mess after my firstborn. I labored for over 40 hours, tore pretty badly, and was in the hospital an extra day because I needed blood transfusions. I was in pain and on pain medications for weeks afterward. I was exhausted, breastfeeding, and bleeding. I had stitches, and just the thought of getting intimate was laughable.
Even after my six-week postpartum appointment, I wasn’t ready
I waited longer. Remember ladies, just because a doctor says it's fine does not mean that you have to. Even if you're ready physically, it doesn't mean that you're ready emotionally.
No one should tell a new mom when she has to do anything. It should really be about when you feel you're ready, and no one should be rushing you. If anyone should be understanding, it's your partner. You just gave birth to a human being after all. And even if you do it once, but it hurts, or you discover you're not really ready, you can always stop. If you want to sleep instead, you're entitled to as a new mom.
Add in another kid, and the phrase "ships passing in the night" really begins to click for you. Finding the time, let alone the motivation and arousal are rough during the postpartum phase, even if you had an easy delivery. Thankfully my second one was easy by comparison, but it didn't mean I was ready to jump back into my sex life. I needed time to figure out how to balance two kids, and I was crazy tired. It's hard to get revved up for sexy time when you're bone-deep exhausted.
The bottom line is that no one knows if you're ready except for you
Make sure to be honest and talk to your partner, so they understand how you feel.
Everyone needs time to adjust to this new way of life. Sex is important, but it's not the be-all-end-all of a relationship. You're going to have a hard time connecting with your partner both physically and emotionally for a while — and that’s OK. That's just the nature of having a baby. Giving yourself time to heal and adjust is the most important thing you can do for yourself during the postpartum period — no excuses needed.
