I’d been a mom for four years the first time I left my kids for an overnight trip. My best friend wanted to go away for the weekend – something she’d asked me to do time and time again and I’d refuse. My then husband sat me down and said I needed to go.
“You rush through the grocery store to get home to them. You never go anywhere because you're afraid to leave them. You need a break and so do they,” he said.
He couldn’t even get me away very often to have dinner with just the two of us because I hated leaving my children. I’d read in a parenting book that if you felt that way and thought no one else could care for your kids so you could get out for a bit, you had control issues.
I knew there was some truth to that, so I tried to relax around the idea of leaving my kids, but the uncomfortable feelings would swallow me whole. I didn’t want to be without them, and I certainly didn’t want people to tell me I had to get away in order to be a good mother. That made me feel worse.
In all honesty, I went away that weekend not because I wanted to, but because I felt I had to
I wondered if there was something wrong with me. There were other moms who admitted to not being able to wait to get away from their kids to have a break. To me, they seemed normal and healthy. My anxiety over leaving my children made me feel I was anything but normal.
It wasn’t that I didn’t need a break – I did – but a lot of it had to do with feeling guilty if I left them, and not wanting to miss anything.
Of course, I ended up having a great time with my friend that weekend. I’d missed her very much, and I knew time away from my kids was needed for several reasons. However, I barely slept the entire time. I missed them so much that I was up before dawn on our last morning, wanting to get on the road.
My kids are now 18, 16, and 15
I’ve come a long way, but I’m here to tell you: It’s still hard to leave them. Last week I went on vacation to an adults-only resort. It was beautiful, luxurious, and so relaxing. But I missed my kids so much it overshadowed the trip. I still had trouble sleeping, and I wanted to see them so badly that I literally felt a little sick to my stomach.
My kids were texting me telling me to enjoy it and have a good time. They were fine and, frankly, glad to get rid of me for a few days — which did help.
My point is, leaving your kids isn’t easy regardless of their age
As mothers we worry, we get anxious, we wonder what's going to happen if we aren’t there to pick up fallen pieces. I thought as my kids got older, it would be easier to leave them for a trip or an extended period of time, but it’s not. There’s nothing easy about it — you just get used to the feelings you have around it.
I know this is true, because I’ll be 47 this year. And every day I was gone, my own mom would check my Instagram stories, to see what I was up to and make sure all was well with me. I wasn’t even yet home for a few hours before she checked in to make sure I was home safe. She couldn’t wait to see me and catch up. Before I left, she sent me several texts about what I needed to remember to do while traveling.
There's something about being a mom that makes it hard to leave our kids no matter how old they are
It doesn’t mean there's anything wrong with us. It means we are mothers, and leaving our kids can feel unnatural and difficult. And that’s OK. We'll all get through it somehow.
