Did you know that last week marked the celebration of a day called Women's Christmas on Janurary 6? According to sources, Women's Christmas is the Irish tradition of giving women the day off after their hard work during the holidays.
Um, amazing, and how can we start this ASAP for every country?
The thought of the day, of course, is that the menfolk can "take over" for the women, giving them a much-deserved break. Apparently, the women get the whole day off, and dash off to the pub to eat, drink, and be merry — and not care how the kids get fed or what time they go to bed.
While I am here for any national holiday that involves women kicking back and heading to the pub, I have to admit the whole thought of Women's Christmas also brought up some conflicted feelings for me.
There's something wrong with all this
The truth is, Women's Christmas — and all it represents, in both recognizing the largely unseen work that women do that makes the world go round, and supporting the idea that they deserve a break so much that it should be a mandated sanction — made me think about all of the times that well-meaning partners and husband offer to "take over" for women.
You've heard what I'm talking about: the articles that proclaim moms should "take a break," make time for self-care, and not assume that they are the default childcare provider. But doing those things means that someone has to take over for us, right?
In my personal life, for instance, there have been times when my husband has been lauded and applauded for "taking over" for me, whether that's just for an afternoon or for a work trip, but when you really, really look at it …
He never truly takes over for me
Because when he "takes over," he is seen as a temporary worker, a reprieve from me, the person responsible for the real work. I am the default household manager, one who will ultimately be held accountable, and the true director of the children.
So, what really happens when men "take over" is that they still aren't necessarily shouldering the full load that we do when we are "in charge" every single day.
And that's super frustrating
When my husband takes over for me, I appreciate the break, but the truth is, it's no big deal if things don't get done the way I would do them — because he knows that I'll take care of it when I get back.
When dad is in charge, it's OK if teeth go unbrushed, the trash doesn't get taken out, or homework goes undone, because it's just one night. Everyone knows that when mom's back on the job, she won't let that ish slide.
If dad buys pizza, it's OK if the budget gets blown, because hey, it's a special night, right?
If dad has to go to grandma's for some extra help with the kids … well, he's still one of the good guys for "helping," right?
I don't want to sound ungrateful or forget all the unseen work that my husband does that I don't even think about, but I want to recognize that although things like Women's Christmas" and "moms' night out" can be a welcome break, the hard and secret truth about being a mom is that we never truly get to hand off what feels like the responsibility we alone shoulder:
Being the one who has to come back to being in charge.
