I have a friend who gave birth in April. It’s her first baby, she had an emergency C-section, and she’s been scared during this whole pandemic. Her husband has been staying home a lot more because she’s not comfortable leaving the house. So, instead of meeting his friends for a few happy hours a week, he goes home to see his wife and child. And believe it or not, he’s getting a lot of praise for this.
Meanwhile, his wife and I are like, ”No, you don’t get rewarded for doing what’s right.”
I see it happen all the time
Women stopping men who have the kids out and about without their partner. They practically bow down to them and give them praise for taking the kids out for ice cream or to the hardware store so their partner can take a breather. I had a neighbor who told us her husband did all the laundry and cooked — they both worked, and she handled the bills and did the rest of the cleaning — and everyone thought he was a saint.
It’s funny how the brunt of child-rearing falls on the mom's shoulders and she doesn’t expect — or get — thanks. However, men get praised all the time.
So this is a public service announcement to all the dads out there:
If you're doing the basic things that need to be done — the cooking, the cleaning, the taking care of the kids — you aren’t a hero. You don’t deserve applause.
Men often get a handshake for doing the bare necessities and it always baffles me. How did we become a society where men get a trophy for doing what’s right and pulling their minimum weight?
Women see something that needs to be done and we just do it
We don’t get stopped in public or a pat on the back because we hold down a job and take the kids to the hair salon with us when we can’t find a sitter. That’s just common practice for us.
When my kids were younger, we were eating at a restaurant, and my meal had just come. My oldest looked at me and said he had to go to the bathroom just as I was about to take a bite. My then-husband kept on eating and didn’t even offer to take him. After I asked why he didn’t ask his dad, he told me it was because I always just did it. It was then that I realized I was part of the problem, and it was his dad’s turn to do a public toilet run with the kids.
My ex didn’t like having his meal interrupted, but he did it. And as soon as he sat back down, a woman came up to him and told him what a great dad and partner he was for letting me eat. The thing is, no one would have said a peep if it had been me getting up and taking my kids to the restroom. I know this because I’d done it for years, and no one once said I was a great wife for letting my husband eat.
It’s what you're supposed to do
You give, you do your part, you take turns, you help and support each other. And for too long, the burden has fallen so heavily on the mom’s shoulders that no one notices. So I’m not sorry to say this: Dads aren’t heroes, and they don’t deserve praise just for doing something that's a daily task for every mom out there. They are simply doing what they should be doing, always. Perhaps if we could all accept this as the norm, moms could finally get the praise they so deserve and want.
