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This may seem obvious, but having a new baby is a lot of work. Mostly, it’s about survival — and yes, of course, love and joy and excitement. But even if it’s not your first rodeo, you will need help with newborn care as well as your own. Between figuring out this new human’s sleep schedule, breastfeeding or determining the best kinds of formula for your little one, it can be a lifesaver to have your partner support you. If you’re not quite sure how they can help, here are a few ideas.
According to Pennsylvania pediatrician Steph Lee, MD, the first few weeks are all about establishing a good feeding schedule and making sure a baby gains back their birth weight. “If a mom is breastfeeding, she has to be as well-hydrated and as well-rested as possible — even if it's just 20 minute cat naps or having prepared meals ready,” Dr. Lee told Mom.com. “Whatever family or a partner can do to help facilitate those goals is great.”
Why you can’t do it all
Sometimes, our culture makes it seem as if asking for help is a sin — that somehow it’s admitting failure. But you just gave birth to a human and your body needs time to recover and rest. Even if you did not personally birth the baby, keeping an infant alive is stressful.
1) Be willing to share the load
“With my first, I realized that my husband wanted to be helpful but didn’t know how and as a new mom, I felt I had to do it all,” mom of two Tomika Bryant told us. “Once I escaped supermom syndrome, we quickly created a schedule to share the load. He loved burping her after a feeding and once it was time for a spoon, it was nothing but fun for him.”
How dad can help mom with a newborn
Of course, just because they’re eager to assist doesn’t mean they know what to do. Here are a few ideas.
2) Anticipating your needs
No, seriously. While you cannot expect your spouse to read your mind, some things are pretty basic to all humans like providing meals, water, snacks, or emotional support.
By the time she had their second child, entrepreneur Amiyrah Martin finally figured out what she needed from her husband. “I needed him to keep me fed and rested,” Martin told us. “I did it for the baby, so he was in charge of doing it for me. Having someone else keep track of my food and water intake and sleep schedule helped me not fall into postpartum depression again,” she explained.
3) Wash and sterilize the breast pump and its parts
Somewhat akin to the rule about whoever cooks doesn’t have to do the dishes, why should the primary person who has to pump breast milk have to be the one to clean equipment?
“My husband was President of the Breast Pump and it’s accessories,” Jessica Eastman Stewart told Mom.com, “cleaning them after each use, making sure it was put back to the spot where I would pump. Once I went back to work, unpacking and repacking the pump/milk bag each day.” Eastman added that of all the ways her husband helped, she appreciated that one in particular.
4) Take care of the older children (without being asked)
When it’s your first child, two adults to one baby makes it feel at least somewhat manageable. However, if you have little ones who are older but not quite old enough to take care of themselves, your partner can be the one to give them the one-on-one attention they also need. Just remember to also let your partner have time with your new baby!
“In retrospect I really needed someone else to take care of the older kid so my partner and I could have that bonding time with the baby together,” added writer Minna Dubin.
5) Act as a buffer to family and visitors
Everyone wants to see the new baby (and in this time of COVID, please make sure you and your family are taking appropriate COVID precautions) but sometimes, they don’t quite know when to leave. And though you appreciate the food or gifts, sometimes, all you want is a nap.
“My husband acted as a buffer between me and my parents and in-laws as I learned how to navigate drawing boundaries when they came around to help,” Raina Nech told Mom.com. The mom of two shared she didn’t realize what a blessing he was until hearing other stories and experiences from her peers. Hah!
6) Tending to household chores and management
Taking care of a household takes a lot of brainspace and sometimes, we’re just at capacity. Have your partner take care of making sure bills are paid, the groceries are bought, the house is cleaned, the chores are done, the car maintained — and any other sorts of life tasks.
Your partner will also need support
Remember, your partner is also human. They may be working or unable to take much family leave as they’d like — plus, they’re also adjusting to a new baby, even if it’s different from the way you are.
7) Let other people help, too
Just like you are not superhuman, neither is your partner. If you are fortunate enough to have people willing and available to help, absolutely accept.
