"What's Good Friday, Mommy?" my daughter asked.
As a mom with longtime faith — faith that grew stronger after I became a parent — I've suddenly found myself dealing with what I'm calling "a great Good Friday dilemma." Spoiler alert: I also happen to be a (semi-new) Sunday school teacher. Although my pre-K and kindergarten students are too small to really understand everything that went down on that Good Friday a couple thousand years ago, my daughters are now old enough to know what's what with our beloved Holy Week leading up to Easter. But how to explain the painful image of Jesus hanging on the cross, the death, the world-changing reason why this most historical event shaped everything we believe as Christians?
I thought fast to answer my 8-year-old's question. Everything came out in an age-appropriate jumble that made sense in my head and aligned with what we've already learned in church. "Good Friday is the day Jesus died on the cross, so all of us who believe in Him can live forever."
Her response? "Oh. OK."
Since our brief convo, I've come up with a few more organized thoughts for talking about this most poignant day with our little ones in ways they can relate to, ways that start with explaining the meaning, rather than detailing the gory circumstances of what happened on that particular day.
For starters:
1. Keep it simple. Consider your child's age, maturity, and which details they might be able to handle. Like I said, it is pointless to scare small kids about the physical pain of crucifixion if they're not developmentally ready to understand it.
2. Each year, discuss more details about Holy Week and Good Friday. Add more layers with each year your child grows. Preschool-age kids can start with "Jesus died so we can live forever in Heaven," whereas middle schoolers and high schoolers can examine the events of the day in the Bible (the torturous carrying of the cross up the mountain, etc.).
3. Don't be afraid to say the word "death" to children, but don't overdo it. Death is a part of life. Although Jesus dying on the cross was a dramatic and life-changing act, and certainly worth discussing, say the word "death" as sparingly and undramatically as possible to minimize any fear that small children might associate with it.
For my kids, I like to explain Good Friday in a context that relates to our lives now. That said, as a Sunday school teacher, I also discuss Good Friday in a few different ways:
4. Forgive others. On that day, God gave all of our sins to Jesus, His only son, so our sins would be forgiven forever. Good Friday is a day to remember how powerful forgiving someone is: a friend, an enemy, anyone who has wronged you. (This is perhaps the biggest part of the season leading up to Easter.)
5. Find security in our beliefs. There were a lot of people who didn't believe Jesus was the son of God. (That's why they crucified him.) Good Friday is a time for us to remember that our beliefs will always be challenged and tested, just as they were back then.
6. The power of being thoughtful. A friend of mine likes to dim lights and turn all sound off between 12 p.m. and 3 p.m. on Good Friday, in honor of the hours when Jesus died on the cross. Kids can have quiet time — reading, drawing, or building Legos — to learn that Good Friday is meant to be a somber period. Consider attending a Good Friday service to show kids the difference in mood compared with the celebration of Easter Sunday.
7. Know it is OK to feel sad and that there is always hope, no matter how dire a situation can be. Life can give us very difficult times — feeling sad about them is not wrong or shameful. Just as Jesus had to stay strong to fulfill God's will for a greater good, we will sometimes be required to go through things that are hard for us. Remembering that God's power always brings us comfort and light through terrible times reminds us that suffering does not last forever.
8. Real love is beyond what we can sometimes understand. God's love for us was, and still is, selfless. Mary's love for Jesus (as his mother, with him on that day) was selfless. Jesus' love for us is selfless. This season, we can show others how much we love them: our friends, neighbors and family. Love is the most powerful energy given by God. The more we love others, the more we honor what Jesus did for our lives on this Earth. Good Friday is a perfect day to do something especially thoughtful for someone else.
For older kids, discussing some of the more challenging, physical details (crucifixion as punishment for wrongdoing at that time or being nailed to the cross) can deepen the meaning and sorrow of Good Friday to then illuminate the glorious, contrasting power of Easter Sunday. Some older kids might ask questions, which is good! We don't know all the answers, but that's OK. (That's what our Bibles are for — to study.)
Good Friday is a solemn, toned-down day. Jesus' death gave us new life. Because, without darkness, light is not possible.
