Tips on Raising an Only Child

Raising an only child is rewarding, as well as challenging, for the entire family. "Perhaps the greatest fear parents of only children have is that they'll raise entitled, spoiled and selfish children," says Dr. Paul Hokemeyer, New York-based psychotherapist. Instead of fretting over the challenges, embrace this unique parenting opportunity. "The most important thing a parent can give a child is the felt experience of being unconditionally loved," says Hokemeyer.

"Getting hung up on the stereotypes of the only child can set an unconscious expectation that there will be problems right out of the gate," says Devra Renner, social worker and author of "Mommy Guilt." Any child, regardless of family size, can rise or fall to what is expected of him. "Don't worry so much about having an only child and what others will think about your child," Renner says. "Instead, focus on parenting your child, not parenting to avoid a stereotype."

While many parents worry about their child playing alone, a general rule of thumb is that if the child is content reading a book or playing with a toy, you don't need to dive in and help him play. It's important to remember that you don't need to keep your child entertained 24/7, says Renner. "It's perfectly acceptable, and developmentally appropriate, for children to learn how to keep themselves occupied," she says.

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A key part of any child's life is socialization. Provide opportunities for your only child to mix and mingle, with trips to the park or play dates. This is often the first time a child becomes socially aware of her own family and why it may be different from other families, says Renner. "Let your child decide whether or not she'll disclose whether she has siblings," she says. "It's part of socialization for kids to ask about families."

As your child begins to develop social skills, the urge to hover may be difficult to resist. Try not to be overprotective of your only child, says Renner. "Over-thinking how your child socializes can drive you and your child crazy," she says. "You don't need to announce your child's status to the world when bringing her to the park to play with other kids. Just go to the park and let your child play with other kids."

The best way to prepare an only child for interactions with others is to teach interpersonal skills from age 1 to adulthood, suggests Hokemeyer. "Infants learn how to get emotional and physical needs met," he says. "It's important that parents allow only children to have emotions without trying to instantly fix them." Encourage your only child to express these emotions while interacting with other children. "Only children need to learn how to empathize with the experience of others," says Hokemeyer.

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Only children who are in grammar and high school should be encouraged to join teams, clubs and other structured activities that will teach them how to be a team player, says Hokemeyer. An art class, boy scouts or a sports team will help an only child develop sharing and social skills with other children.

Children need an outlet when frustrated, says Michelle Muncy of Online Parenting Programs. Build a strong network of family and friends who your child feels comfortable calling and talking with during these times. "Because they don't have another sibling to confide in, they need an outlet, regardless if there are two parents or one, such as an uncle, aunt, cousins or good friends," says Muncy. "It's important for your child to have a safe outlet, and positive influences are crucial."

With an only child, parents are often in a position to provide more time and money to their child. "It's difficult not to spoil an only child because you're totally invested in them and want to give them everything you never got growing up," says Dr. Carole Lieberman, Beverly Hills psychiatrist. Instead, try to make treats and rewards commensurate with chores and responsibilities, such as cleaning, homework completion and behavior.

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When an only child is surrounded by adults, it’s difficult to remember that he is still a child and should be treated and talked to as one. “Be extremely careful not to make him your friend,” says Muncy. “He is a child and should not be treated as an adult. Because he is there and quiet does not mean that he is not picking up on adult issues and hearing your discussions.”