My kid is crying as loud as his lungs will allow while I quietly wait for a break in the sobs. When I announced that today wasn’t a cookie day, his heart broke into a million tiny crumbs. I shouldn’t be shocked because it’s normal for little kids to throw tantrums when they don’t get what they want — but I’m a little surprised because it’s my 5-year-old "big kid" who’s throwing it.
I’ve never been good with surprises. This means surprise parties are a no-go, and I’ll never walk through a haunted house at Halloween. I operate better in life when I expect the unexpected. That’s why all of these unexpected emotional outbursts from my big kid are throwing me off my game.
When I hear him having a meltdown, my stomach tightens. My brain goes fuzzy, and I wonder if I should remind him that he’s the ripe old age of 5 now. I’m not uncomfortable that he’s feeling his feels, but I’m surprised to discover (again) that bigger kids still have such ginormous reactions. I knew how to work through these breakdowns when he was a toddlerbecause I understood these were developmentally normal, but now that he’s finishing up his 5th year, I’m not as confident.
Is this normal for a 5-year-old?
My son towers over toddlers at the mall and has added “resplendent” to his vocabulary. He’s growing up. Should I expect his attitude to follow suit? He doesn’t throw himself on the floor in fits of angst anymore, but when his cookie crumbles, he can outwail a 2-year-old. His crying fits are unpredictable for me — and for the guy in line at the cookie kiosk. So, is now the time when the waterworks should slow down?
It’s tricky, because the one thing I don’t want him to slow down are his feelings. My open-hearted kid’s heart can break hard and fast. I’ve been a supporter of this sensitive side from the moment I witnessed him weep at his first sappy movie. Then, later, when he whispered, “The best present is friendship with you!” That’s when I knew I wanted to help him learn how to maintain his vulnerability.
Since he’s always been a sensitive soul, perhaps these emotive breakdowns are just part of the package deal. It has occurred to me that I might be judging him unfairly against a grown-up standard I created before I even had a kid. Really, he’s the only 5-year-old I know. What I do know is that emotions for him run deep, and feeling all his feelings are the best way for him to understand them. I want my son to learn how to handle those emotions, not squash them.
This is why I’ve never stopped working though his meltdowns with him. When his sadness or frustration overwhelms him, we find a quiet place, take the time we need, and talk about his feelings together. I sit with him and validate his experience. I tell him I understand that he’s feeling sad or angry and those feelings are OK. We talk about how he feels in his body. After a short time, he comes back to his center and we move on together.
What was throwing me off was questioning: Is this normal for a 5-year-old? Well, I’ve learned it’s normal for this 5-year-old. I only have one chance at raising an emotionally healthy and aware kid and what’s really no surprise at all is that I want do my best to help make that happen.
