When Cheryl, mom of two, noticed that something was different about one of her kids, she felt lost. No one could answer the question "What is going on?" Her child began demonstrating what was deemed as extreme shyness, and perhaps some sort of speech disorder, once he started kindergarten.
That was seven years ago, and since then, Cheryl’s son has been diagnosed with selective mutism
Dr. Sanam Hafeez, a neuropsychologist in New York City at Comprehend the Mind, explains selective mutism as “a childhood disorder closely resembling social anxiety.” Children who have the disorder “are often bright, articulate, and intelligent, with adequate speech and language.” This is why the disorder can be so hard to diagnose, and it often perplexes parents and educators. At home, the child may be “funny, vocal, and expressive” but in certain social situations — such as in school or during extracurricular activities — “seem like they have two personalities.”
Cheryl told us it took two years for her son to be properly diagnosed and five years for a school plan to be put in place to help her son be successful. Her son talked to his parents and sibling at home, but wouldn’t speak to anyone who wasn’t family, teachers, or peers. He appeared “frozen in place” in these situations with a “blank facial expression no matter what was going on.” Yet at home her child loved to run around and be silly.
Dr. Hafeez wants us to know what selective mutism is not, as it is often mistaken for other conditions
Selective mutism is not “a language disorder,” “autism,” “shyness, or “asocial behavior.” Of course, this means it can be tricky to get a proper diagnosis when symptoms of selective mutism overlap with other medical diagnoses. There is no single cause of selective mutism; however, some possible causes are a traumatic event or a genetic predisposition to the disorder.
There are many challenges that arise when a child has selective mutism. Cheryl shared that if her child was sick or needed to use the restroom, he wouldn’t notify the adults in charge. Children with selective mutism are misunderstood and, as Cheryl reminds us, selective mutism isn’t a choice the child makes. They can’t turn the condition off and on at will. The disorder also has social implications, because it’s hard to make friends when the child isn’t able to speak to peers when engaging in play.
Children with selective mutism can slip through the cracks, going undiagnosed for years
According to Dr. Hafeez, if parents suspect their child could have selective mutism, it’s important to take action. Start with your child’s pediatrician — though they may or may not know about selective mutism. A referral to a psychologist may be in order, so they can assess the child. Find one who understands anxiety and childhood disorders.
What can be done if a child does have selective mutism? Thankfully, there are options. Some children find relief with anxiety medication. This can be paired with therapies, such as play therapy or behavioral therapy. It’s also important that if the child’s diagnosis is interfering with their learning experience, the parents need to contact the school’s administration to begin the process of putting a formal plan in place to ensure the child’s success.
It’s important to note that the child isn’t the only one who needs support
Parents of children with selective mutism need family and friends to be understanding and encouraging. Offering unsolicited advice — such as pushing the parent to discipline the child or bribe them — isn’t helpful. Both the parent and child need acceptance, encouragement, and support.
Cheryl’s son has come a long way since the beginning of his selective mutism journey. He’s now a flourishing middle-schooler who is academically gifted and enjoys trying different extracurricular activities. Thankfully, his parents, the school, and professionals have stepped up to support him.
*Disclaimer: The advice on mom.com is not a substitute for consultation with a medical professional or treatment for a specific condition. You should not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem without consulting a qualified professional. Please contact your health-care provider with questions and concerns.
