How To Talk to Your Kids About Sexting and Receiving Inappropriate Content

Sexting is using a phone or personal device to send sexual pictures, messages, or videos. A sext can include a naked picture or a picture of a body part, a video of people having sex, or an explicit text message.

Sending or receiving consensual sexual pictures is not against the law for adults, but if someone under the age of 18 is caught sending, owning, or taking the pictures, it’s illegal, according to Planned Parenthood.

Sexting can happen between friends, from kids at school, in group chats, through direct messages on social media, and in online games. One in 4 kids reported having received sexts and 1 in 7 reported sending sexts, according to a study in JAMA Pediatrics, from the Journal of the American Medical Association. And 1 in 8 youths reported forwarding a sext without consent or having a sext forwarded without consent.

The time to talk to kids about sexting is when kids start to become independent on their devices, which is usually around 8 or 9 years old, said Caroline Knorr, senior parenting editor at Common Sense Media, a nonprofit that supports families as they raise kids in the digital age.

You want to talk to them about what sexting is before they hear about it from friends or get a picture on their phone, said Deborah Stambler, a Los Angeles mom of two daughters. She learned that the hard way and she recommends bringing up the topic early so you can control the message.

“Try to find something in the news and use that as an opportunity to start a conversation,” she told Mom.com. “Use those neutral moments when it’s not a big crisis so you can control the narrative.”

When you talk to kids about sexting it’s important to explain why it’s not appropriate to send sexual pictures while trying not to shame them, Knorr advised. “Parents don’t want to realize or want to accept that their kids are becoming interested in sex.”

Kids might not understand the consequences of sharing pictures and messages. They need to be aware that what they send or post represents them in the best way. And also, that even though a message might seem private, it’s not. “It’s important to make sure you talk to your kids about appropriate online communication,” Knorr cautioned.

Common Sense Media and Planned Parenthood both have guides to help parents and teachers talk to their kids about the dangers of sexting.

Sexting can have serious consequences. Sexting among minors is considered child pornography in 23 states and could result in a prison sentence and mandatory registration as a sex offender, according to an article in Reuters Health.

Knorr said that CSM recommends parents talk to kids about “red flag feelings,” which is anything that makes kids feel uncomfortable or afraid. At 9 or 10, kids are aware when a conversation has a sexual undertone. When that happens, encourage kids to report the person, if it’s on social media, and block them.

As they get older, it’s important for parents that kids know they should only share appropriate images and texts because you don’t know that the person they're sending it to will keep it private. It can be devastating for someone when a private image goes public.

“One of the things you want to tell your kids is that you can never guarantee that the other person that you’re communicating with has your best interest at heart especially in online communication,” she said.

So, what do you do if you receive an inappropriate message from a friend or in a group text? Delete it, Knorr said. Make sure your kids know that it’s ethically wrong to share a nonconsensual picture and that it can be legally wrong as well.

Encourage them not to participate and say, “If you can stand up for that person, that’s the best that you can do — or just get yourself out of that group text,” she said.