Every year around the holidays, people look at their lives and reflect on what they have to be thankful for. With everything that's happened this year, I've decided to focus on making this holiday season the one where I cultivate and grow my thankfulness for everything – especially the little things.
And as a mother, it's my responsibility to teach my children to do the same.
So even though Thanksgiving has already passed, I'm still taking advantage of this season and using it to teach my children how to be thankful despite everything that's going on in the world.
Here are three ways I try to instill thankfulness in my children:
1. I teach them awareness and perspective
Children go through their lives only knowing things from their perspective.
If they have their own room, they assume every other kid does. If they have three meals a day, they assume every other kid does. They only learn that they are lucky to have these things we deem “normal” by us showing them kids who do not have these things, and by modeling empathy for these children.
One little thing I do to bring awareness is by going through our playroom and showing my daughter when I donate toys that she does not use or ones that we have duplicates of. If she has a hard time understanding why I am donating the toys, I tell her that I plan on giving it to another kid who does not have this toy, or maybe they don’t have many toys at all.
Another thing I do is show her children from this organization where you can sponsor them to give them meals and send them letters. We scroll through and look at their pictures and I talk to her about how they need someone to make sure they eat every day and have fresh clothes and a place to sleep.
I think when children are shown these things at a young age, it really helps them to understand how lucky they are to have what they do have. Now my 3-year-old even brings toys to me that she wants us to give to kids who “don’t have as many toys as her.”
2. I try to make manners a part of their daily routine
Manners and thankfulness go hand-in-hand, and it's so essential to teach children not only how to use manners, but also why we use them.
When I work on teaching manners to my daughter, I give reasons as to why I'm asking her to use that particular word. When we say "thank you," it's usually because someone is going out of their way to do something for us. When we say "please," we are understanding that the other person is not obligated to do what we ask. When we say "excuse me," it's because we are trying to be polite.
I will even point out real-life scenarios for her to learn exactly why we use our manners. For example, if a friend gave her a toy that they bought at the store, I would remind her to say "thank you" and then say something along the lines of, “Wow, that was so nice of your friend to give you that toy. When they saw that at the store, they thought of you – that is so sweet of them!”
3. I teach through example
One of the best ways you can teach your child something is through example. These little sponges are constantly watching, listening, and learning: by observing our facial expressions, the way we move our bodies, the tone of our words, and the way we react to certain situations.
I make sure to use my manners around my children to other people, and I make sure to use them when speaking to my children. When I ask my daughter to pick up her toys or to grab something for me, I say "please" and "thank you."
I think sometimes as parents it's easy to forget to use our manners with our children, but it's so important for us to do so.
I also model manners and thankfulness not only by saying them, but by outwardly speaking about my thoughts. If someone holds the door for me, I will say things like, “That was so nice of that person to hold the door open for us. My hands are full so that door would have been tricky to open!” Or I also remind my daughter, “I know it makes you sad that Daddy works, but we are so lucky that he does. He works so I can stay home and we have a house and food! I am so thankful!”
Thankfulness is such an important skill to have, especially right now. We need to remind our kids why we're thankful when things are going well, but also how we can still find things to be thankful for even in the hard times — like 2020.
