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When kids are little, it’s simple; they fall down and hurt themselves, they cry and you comfort them. But then, in what seems like a split-second, they’re teenagers and their problems are very different. It can be hard for parents to recognize that their teen has a problem and needs professional help. So, how do you know when your teenager needs more help than what you alone can give them?
Signs that a child needs counseling
“Parents know their child best,” Dr. Cara Natterson, pediatrician and author of Decoding Boys: New Science Behind the Subtle Art of Raising Sons, told Mom.com. When you can sense that there’s something wrong and you can feel it in your gut, it’s time to get some outside help, she advised.
Depending on the relationship, “sometimes it’s hard for parents to read their kids and they’re just not sure,” she said. Dr. Natterson suggests asking your teen if they need help and want to talk to someone.
The Cleveland Clinic, a nonprofit academic medical center, has a list of signs to look for that your child might need to see a therapist that include:
- Problems with many areas of life including family, friends, school, and outside activites
- Low self-esteem and self-confidence
- Excessive worry
- Hopelessness
- Withdrawing from family, friends, and other activities
- Changing sleep habits and energy levels
- Engaging in self-harm
- Talks about suicide
For one Los Angeles mom who didn’t want her name used, her son’s depression seemed to begin around the time he started puberty.
“He was really sad and flat. It was heartbreaking. I didn’t know what to do," she shared with Mom.com. "He didn’t want to leave his room or see other kids. It didn’t seem like he was ever going to come out of it.”
She said she knew that whatever he was going through was more than she and her husband could handle on their own. “He actually said he thought he needed antidepressants, but I told him we needed to see a therapist first.”
How to get a child to go for counseling
Not all kids are willing to get help. According to the Child Mind Institute, a children’s mental health nonprofit, some of the reasons teens may feel resistant to seek counseling are because they’re embarrassed about needing help, defensive about the attention, or feel helpless that they will never feel better.
One way to get a reluctant teenager to go to counseling is to frame it differently than simply telling them they need a therapist, according to CMI. If a teen is trying a new sport, they would need a coach to learn new skills; therapy is learning new skills to cope manage problems.
It helps to give teens as much information as possible about why therapy can be helpful to them. They’re more likely to go and participate if they want to be there, according to Betterhelp, a network of online therapists.
Dr. Natterson suggested that if parents think their child needs counseling, they can reach out to their pediatrician or a school counselor for help finding the right person.
CMI also stresses the importance of finding the a doctor or therapist who works well with your teen. “If she doesn’t like or respect the person that she’s working with, or thinks she can outsmart him, it isn’t going to be a good fit,” Rachel Ehmke wrote on their website.
What to expect from teen counseling
One thing to know going in is that it’s not going to be a quick fix, the Los Angeles mom cautioned. “I think I expected it to be faster. That he would go to counseling and be better after the first visit. It took a while. It’s hard because you don’t want your kids to be in pain or feel alone.”
Betterhelp pointed out that parents might be surprised to learn that unless it’s family counseling, in general, parents aren’t invited into the counseling session and the session is confidential.
Plan on going to therapy sessions once a week for a few months in the beginning, according to Kidshealth.org.
