Good Sportsmanship
I'm no expert when it comes to sports. I don't regularly watch ESPN or check the box scores. But as a mom of three boys who want to play every sport that's in season, I've learned a thing or two over the last few years. A lot of what I've learned has to do with what we, as parents, can do to support our kids and help them get the most out of their time on the field or court. Having sat in the stands for literally hundreds of games, and considering that I've studied my share of child development research, I feel I've seen enough to put together the following list of suggestions. They're all based on one basic principle: How your children feel about sports, and about playing sports, often has a great deal to do with how you act while they're playing.
Don't Bleacher-Coach
Let the coaches do their jobs. Few things are harder on kids than receiving one message from the coach and contradictory messages from the parents in the stands. Even if the coach isn’t an expert, and even when he’s making mistakes, give him your support. He’s a volunteer, and unless he’s doing something harmful to the kids, do all you can to back him. It’s fine to cheer from the stands, but when you start to recommend a throw home or a 3-point shot, hold your tongue.
LISTBLISS: See our entire list of do's and don'ts. While you're there, create your own!
Don't Coach in the Car
Once the game is over, let it be over. Your message on the way home should be, “That was really fun getting to watch you play.” If you need to make suggestions about how to improve in the future—and assuming your child is interested in working on those issues—then find a few minutes between now and the next practice. But on the way home, be a parent, not a coach.
RELATED: Is Your Child Overscheduled?
Don't Over-Identify
Root, root, root for the home team, but don't lose sight of the boundary that separates you from what's happening on the field. A funny friend of mine once yelled from the stands to his 10-year-old Little Leaguer, “Hit a home run! I’m living vicariously through you!” I also love a photo that recently made the rounds on Facebook. It was a list of suggestions for parents, hung outside a dugout, with the final item reading, “You do not play for the Cardinals.”
LISTBLISS: See our entire list of do's and don'ts. While you're there, create your own!
Don't Lose Objectivity
On an episode of The Simpsons, a sign near the Little League entrance gate reads: "Warning: Your child is not as good as you think he is." Enough said?
RELATED: Check out These Child Prodigies
Don't Embarrass Yourself
Don’t be that parent. There’s nothing wrong with wanting your young player to succeed, but be careful about becoming so attached to that desire that you become someone you don’t want to be. If you lose control in the stands and end up screaming at a referee or coach (or even worse, your kid!), everyone will be talking about it. And guess what? Everyone will remember it—including your child. Keep reading to find out what you should do.
LISTBLISS: See our entire list of do's and don'ts. While you're there, create your own!
Set a Good Example
One of the best things about sports is that it socializes kids and teaches them to work together, respect rules and authority, deal with difficult moments and so on. Keep in mind that with every response you make to whatever situation that arises, you’re setting an example—good or bad—for your child.
MORE: Letting Dad Take Over
Value Sportsmanship
Cheer for a player on the other team when he makes a good play. Praise your child when she helps up another player who’s fallen. Teach your child that you can root for your team while still acting morally and ethically on the field or court.
LISTBLISS: See our entire list of do's and don'ts. While you're there, create your own!
Let Kids Feel Emotions
Validate emotions and listen, even and especially after a loss or disappointing game. You may have rules about how to handle emotions during the game, but crying and disappointment should be allowed once the game is over.
Be Honest and Authentic
If your daughter isn’t a great goalie, don’t tell her she is. You should never be overly critical, but remember that kids are really good at sniffing out insincerity. Plus, they usually know how good they are, so don’t tell them something they know isn’t true. It’s perfectly fine to say, “I know they scored some goals against you, but I loved the way you gave full effort the entire game.”
LISTBLISS: See our entire list of do's and don'ts. While you're there, create your own!
See the Big Picture
Put it all in perspective. When you feel competition and reactivity surging in you, remember that this is one game in one day of your 9-year-old’s life. If he fumbles, or misses a winning free-throw, the world won’t end. I know it’s hard, but value the failures on the athletic field—especially the failures—for all they can teach us and our children.
Be a Role Model
Remember: How your children feel about sports and about playing sports often has a great deal to do with how you act while they’re playing.
(And a special thank you to my husband for helping me avoid embarrassing inaccuracies with my sports terminology in this article.)
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Check Out Listbliss!
See our entire list of the do's and don'ts of being a sports parent in our Listbliss section. While you're there, create your own list of Do's and Don't to share with other moms.
