Developing Self-Esteem in Teens

Teenagers are bursting with energy and often feel invincible, but unique stresses and daily pressures eat away at that confidence. While dealing with school work, extracurricular activities, peer pressure and part-time jobs, it is likely your teenager's self-esteem takes a hit from time to time. As a parent, you can safeguard your teen's self-image and help develop healthy self-esteem with love and support. “Helping your teen improve his or her self-esteem and self-image can be a protective factor against problem behaviors in the future,” said Elizabeth Waterman, a California-based licensed psychologist.

Healthy self-esteem can be developed with increased positive comments throughout the day. "Try to find anything positive about your teen that you can praise him or her for and do this frequently throughout the day," Waterman suggested. “A ratio of eight-to-10 positive comments to one negative comment is a sign of a healthy parent-child relationship, which improves a child’s self esteem.”

Boost your teenager's sense of self worth by encouraging him to volunteer and give back to the community. Opportunities to visit with the elderly, clean up parks and serve food at shelters may help him see how his efforts make a difference. Helping others builds self-esteem and gives people a sense of purpose, Waterman said.

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Whether it's sports-related, arts-related or something entirely different, encourage your teenager to get involved in something outside of school. "The benefit is that if their school friends suddenly become less friendly, they will have somewhere else where they are getting the support they need," said Marci Warhaft-Nadler, author of "The Body Image Survival Guide: Helping Toddlers, Teens and Tweens Thrive.”

When teens set academic, career and social goals for their future, they often find a glimpse of hope and a sense of future accomplishment. By teaching them effective problem-solving strategies and goal-setting skills, you can help boost and develop their self-esteem. “Help them set short-term and long-term goals that are realistic, somewhat difficult and attainable in various areas of life,” said Waterman.

The teenage years are full of drama, but the experiences are very real to your teen and can affect self-esteem. Waterman recommends validating your teenager's feelings, no matter how dramatic they may seem. “Feelings are always valid, and teens need help learning to accept their feelings rather than minimize or ignore them,” she said. Offer supportive words, such as “I’m here if you need to vent, and I promise I won’t try to solve all of your problems.”

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“Teach them effective communication and assertiveness skills to express emotions accurately and effectively,” Waterman said. Providing opportunities for open communication, such as family dinners and outings, allow your teen the chance to talk about her accomplishments and concerns. Let your teen take part in discussions about family decisions to encourage a sense of empowerment.

The most important strategy for parents to help develop a teen’s self-esteem is to serve as role models, said Elika Kormeili, California-based licensed therapist and founder of the Center for Healthy and Happy Living. “As a parent, you are a huge influence on your child, so the first step is to be mindful of your own self-esteem,” said Kormeili. “Be mindful of your own self-talk. Every time you catch yourself saying something mean or negative about yourself, counter it with something nice.”

As teenagers develop, the pressures of succeeding in academics, sports and extracurricular jobs can be overwhelming. Reassure your teen that she doesn’t have to be perfect. “Don’t focus on perfection; instead, praise and reinforce accomplishments, no matter how small they seem,” said Waterman. “In return, minimize the critical statements that you say to your teen.”

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