Sometimes, it’s hard to know the right words to say to your teenager, but tucking these affirmative phrases for teens in your back pocket for a rainy day might just help you connect.
Parenting teens can be very emotional. After all, doesn’t it seem like just yesterday you were your kid’s hero and could do no wrong in their eyes, but now it feels as if you’ve become either the villain or the annoying sidekick in your teen’s life story?
The kid who once ran to you with open arms and stars in their eyes and gave you an enthusiastic hug now slithers past you to their room or rolls their eyes when you try to talk to them.
What’s a parent to do?
Affirmative Phrases for Teens: Why They Matter
The whiplash of the teen years can be a shock and teens can get a bad rep, but the truth is, being a teen in today’s world is hard.
Many teens are struggling with mental health issues and trying to find their place in the world.
This is why it’s arguable that teens need your support now more than ever before. We all thought those early formative years were the most vital, but the time you have left with your teen is more finite.
Some days, I can almost hear a clock ticking away the moments I have left to make a lasting impact before my kids are out the door and into adulthood.
Parents of teens, it’s time to reframe our thinking.
Teens are not monsters or the enemy. They are actually the most vulnerable they’ve ever been as they attempt to take the leap from child to adult… and they may no longer view your arms outstretched to catch them when they fall.
Here are five affirmative phrases for teens to try out. They may help improve your connection and make the most of your time together:
1. "I'm proud of you."
Sometimes I’m guilty of getting lost in the details of raising my teen daughter. We might pepper our teens with questions, like if they studied for their quiz, whether they packed their soccer cleats for practice, if their chores are finished, or if they packed their lunch for school.
But what my teen and every teen needs to hear from their parents are the words, “I’m proud of you,” especially when they fall short of expectations.
Society is so caught up in accomplishments like getting great grades and bringing home championship trophies, but how often do we pause and celebrate our teens for everyday accomplishments?
There’s so much advice about offering praise to young children and exactly how to frame it so they reap the most benefits, but once those kids become teens, it’s like the praise goes out the window and gets replaced with nagging and declarations of disappointment.
When I utter phrases for teens to instill praise, I try to be as specific as possible. That way, she knows I’m noticing her efforts. I say something like, “I’m proud of you for waking up at 6 a.m. each day to go to soccer training. Your dedication and commitment are why you made the team. I hope you’re proud of yourself too.”
It’s also important to note that when your teen fails their algebra test and you know they did the best they possibly could, you can offer words of encouragement like, “I understand you tried your best. Maybe I can help you study next time, or we can find a tutor.”
Teens want to know they have your support even when they feel like they’ve disappointed you.
2. "You’re right, I don’t understand. How can I help?"
One principle I live by as a parent: I don’t act like I have all the answers or know everything. I want my kids to realize that people are always evolving and learning new things, and no one ever wakes up one day knowing it all just because they’re an adult.
If I don’t know the answer, I tell my kids I don’t but that I can find the answer in time, and they appreciate this honesty and vulnerability.
That’s why when my teens say the words “You don’t understand,” I don’t take offense or get defensive.
Instead, I use nonconfrontational phrases such as, “You’re right. I don’t understand, so please tell me what you need so I can help you.”
With all the sweeping changes of the past decade, it could very well be the first time in history that there are some things parents really don’t understand: the psychological effects of social media, cyberbullying, navigating a pandemic as a teen, and so many more issues.
During these precious moments when my teen confides in me, I empathize with her and validate her feelings. Many parents, myself included, make the mistake of launching into their own experiences and life stories to try to show they understand their teen’s current conundrum, but resist doing this.
My teen has even told me, I don’t need to hear about what happened to you or your partner, I need you to understand this is my life and my first time experiencing this, and it’s important to me.
3. "Can I get your advice/opinion?"
Validate your teen’s opinions and burgeoning sense of self by asking for their input or for them to collaborate on something with you. Even if you get a few eye rolls sent your way, deep down, your teen will relish the chance to show off their prowess, and helping you will give them confidence and a stake in the relationship as your partner and teammate.
Next time you’re trying to cook a new recipe, can’t figure out an app on your smartphone, or can’t choose which top to wear out to dinner, turn to your teen to share their expertise.
Make sure you ask for their help with something they’re good at, so they can excel at the task. Be sure to thank them for their input. They’ll feel a sense of pride whether they show it or not.
4. "You can always call or text me anytime, for any reason, no matter what."
Teens need to know that you’re their safety net, no matter what. My teens and I have an understanding that even if the circumstances are questionable and they’ve done something I won’t be happy about, they can still always rely on me to be there for them.
This is especially true if their safety is in question or they are trying to avoid danger, like getting into a car with a friend who has been drinking, or realizing they’re hanging out with people whose behavior is risky.
Our motto is, help now, ask questions later.
If the stakes aren’t high and danger isn’t on the horizon, but my teens are in a situation that has gotten uncomfortable for any reason, they can text me an emoji we decide on. That signals to me that they either need me to pick them up or give them a text or call as a reason to exit the situation themselves.
As parents, we always say we’d do anything for our kids, so it’s important to live up to this promise, even when they make mistakes or use poor judgment.
5. "Let’s go get something to eat."
If your teen’s face is constantly aglow on a screen and every spare moment is spent keeping their Snap streak alive, it’s time for a snack run. Actual face-time with you will rank higher on their list if you frame it right. A caveat you could include is that they either leave their phone at home or don’t look at it when you’re out together.
You don’t need to take your teen to a fancy, expensive meal — just go somewhere that’s novel and appealing, like the new smoothie bowl place that just opened, or your favorite bagel, donut, or boba shop.
I love these short jaunts with my teens because we talk in the car on the way there and back, and it’s a lighthearted break from the normal routines and demands of daily life.
There's no one-size-fits-all parenting advice for a teen, or any child for that matter
Factors like personality and personal circumstances play a huge role in defining your teen’s attitude, demeanor, and approach to life. The suggestions of phrases for teens to use above are ones any parent can use to help foster a better relationship with their teen.
Teens still crave your attention and validation. Even if they aren’t running toward you for a hug, they still want to connect.
