Sleepovers.
Slumber parties.
Overnighters.
They seem like a fun rite of passage, a requisite of childhood, the stuff memories are made of.
But my kids will be doing none of them
Whenever I tell a mom friend about our decision to not allow sleepovers, I, undoubtedly, get that look. That questioning look. That “seriously?” look. That look that seems to say, “Oh! You’re one of those overprotective parents.”
While I’m by no means a helicopter parent on this, I’ll take the label.
Call me what you will. Criticize my parenting choice. Label me a “killjoy mom.” I’ll stand firm with my decision to not allow my children to have overnight playdates and slumber parties, for now at least.
I have my reasons
The first is pretty awful but needs to be stated: Sometimes people do bad things to kids. Kids get hurt or abused or exposed to awful things. Even a family you think you are comfortable with could allow a questionable friend of an older sibling around your child and something unspeakable could happen.
Is it likely? Probably not.
Is it worth the risk? In my book, no.
My second reason for not allowing my kiddos to attend sleepovers is that it provides opportunity for reckless, stupid behavior. In my memory of my own slumber parties, nothing that great ever happened after midnight. When I was little, that was the time we started finally dozing off, and I missed my parents or got scared of the weird shadows on the walls. As I got older, the wee hours of the morning were the times when the mischievous ideas started rolling.
In my day, those ideas included toilet papering our teacher’s yard, playing an R-rated game of Truth or Dare, or skinny-dipping in the lake. Nowadays, those stupid antics get documented in more than just the minds of your follow mischief-makers. There is evidence on social media and photographs that go down in history, making a silly mistake in youth something that can never be escaped.
I’m not the killer of all joy, though
Here are some ways my kids still get to participate in similarly fun opportunities:
Late-overs: If my kids are invited to a sleepover, depending on the hosting family, I likely will let them go for the evening and night. I’ll let them bring a sleeping bag and participate in the movie and popcorn, but when things wind down and “the party is over,” I’ll pick them up and have them sleep at home.
Family sleepovers: I have a few really great friends with kids similar ages to my own. Occasionally, we all spend the night at one or the other’s houses. The kids get their slumber party and the moms get some quality Grey’s Anatomy and wine-sipping time after the littles go to bed. It's a win-win.
Camp: Going to camp is still one of my fondest memories of my childhood. While this is technically an overnight experience, it's also supervised by trained staff with rules and structure. Researching a quality community or church camp with trustworthy counselors being held accountable for a small group of students is something I might feel comfortable with as my kids get older.
I realize that there will come a time when my kids are teenagers and my “no overnighters” rule might need to be changed — but, by that time, I hope my kids will know that if they don’t feel comfortable they can simply leave or call home and I pray that they have the strength to say no if some unsavory activity is suggested.
For now, they're still little and I can protect them from scary scenarios and stupid mistakes — and that's not an opportunity I'm going to miss.
