10 Tips to Help Teens De-Stress About Prom

Many teens believe the prom has to be the absolute best night of their lives, which can build up unrealistic expectations and pressure, according to Orange County clinical psychologist Alexa Foster. “In reality, the prom is just one of many memorable moments in a teen’s life,” she says. She advises parents to convey to their kids that the main purpose of the prom is to have fun with friends and celebrate the end of the year. The more teens can put the prom in perspective, the more relaxed they’ll be about it.

Finding a date for the prom can be nerve-wracking, so one way to sidestep this stress is for your teen to arrange to go with friends. “Lots of kids go stag these days, and there are many advantages, too,” says Foster. “Your teen won’t be tied down to one person during the night—he can mingle and dance with everyone. Cutting out the romantic implications of the evening can also make it less pressured.” Going with friends doesn’t mean teens have to sacrifice any fun, either—they can still rent a limo and attend pre- and post-parties as a group.

If your teen is inviting someone special to the prom, there is the added burden of having to come up with a unique way to ask, “Will you go to the prom with me?” because this is what teens now expect. However, this doesn’t mean your teen has to go overboard. “A little creativity goes a long way,” says Foster. For example, the girl who asked Foster's son, 17, to the prom last year spelled out the invitation in oranges because his hair is orange. “A simple, but heartfelt invitation can make a big impact.”

If you have yet to meet your teen’s prom date, try to meet him or her before the Big Night, recommends New York–based parent coach and mental health consultant Stefanie Weiss. Waiting until the night of the prom to be introduced can add yet another layer of anxiety to the evening for your teen. Therefore, she says, it’s best to jump over this hurdle beforehand.

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For most girls, selecting the dress is perhaps the most stressful part of the entire prom. Houston, Texas psychotherapist Mary Jo Rapini advises that moms go shopping with their daughters so they can be the voice of reason and help steer them toward the right choice. That way, if your daughter wants to buy a tight dress or one with loose sequins, moms are there to ask the important questions, says Rapini, such as “Can you sit comfortably in this dress?” and “Is this the kind of message you want to send out about yourself?”

If your daughter plans on wearing a new hairstyle for the night, Weiss suggests she try out the ‘do before the prom “in order to avoid being upset if it doesn’t turn out the way she’d hoped.” It’s also a good idea for girls to make a trial run with their makeup as well, she adds, especially in case they turn out to be allergic to any new product. And finally, she recommends that both girls and boys try on their entire ensemble beforehand to make sure every detail—from a cummerbund to nylons—has been taken care of.

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Families were expected to spend an average of $1,078 on the prom in 2012, according to a Visa survey, and costs will probably go up more this year. There are ways to slash the price tag, however, says Foster. These include renting a tuxedo or dress instead of buying one and having parents drive rather than plunking down money on a limo. Sometimes a crowd's plans may get to expensive; If this happens to your teen, Foster recommends your child say, “Not everyone can afford that, and I’m one of them.” Not only will your teen feel relieved, probably most everyone else will too.

If your teen doesn’t drink, now is not the time to start. However, peer pressure can be stronger than ever on this night. While most schools do a good job of curbing drinking at the prom, there are plenty of opportunities at the pre- and post-parties. Foster suggests that teens come up with a few phrases they can use to say “no” that won’t make them feel awkward or that they’re sticking out. A few lines that work, she says: “Maybe later,” “I’ll try it later if I feel like it” or “Not now, thanks.”

Teens’ prom plans can waffle, and sometimes the details aren’t finalized until that very night. But unknowns increase your teen’s stress levels for the evening, says Foster. “Encourage your teen to nail down the details as far in advance as possible, and do what you can to make sure they are,” she advises. “For example, if your daughter and her date aren’t sure how to get to the prom or where they’ll meet beforehand to take pictures, offer to drive or to host the pre-party. Kids may at first act as if they don’t want your help, but if you solve a problem for them, they usually do.”

The day of the prom, make yourself available to your teen to help him or her prepare, recommends Foster. “Be there if they want your assistance, but be ready to make a quick disappearing act if they don’t,” she says. Rapini also recommends that parents get their kids into a relaxing frame of mind by putting on calming music, preparing a light but nutritious lunch and suggesting teens do a pre-prom stress-busting activity such as going on a walk or taking a yoga class. And then, once you send off your teen for the night, it’s finally your time to relax!

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