I successfully breastfed two children, but it was a long, hard road. If you’re having a trouble breastfeeding, it can be difficult to know what to do. I had a hard time with the pain and the guilt of feeling touched out. There were times that I cringed when my first was going to nurse because I was so sore and wanted to quit.
And the thing that made it worse was all of the unsolicted advice that didn’t help or make me — and my nursing struggles — seen. So if you know a mama that’s drowning in breastfeeding woes, here’s what to say instead:
I’m here if you need to vent
Sometimes a struggling mama just need to know that you are not alone. Tell her that you’re here if she needs to vent. Giving her a way to voice her frustration and get everything out can help a great deal. Listen and don’t try to solve her problems unless she asks. Sometimes people just want someone who understands.
You're right — it’s SO hard
Sometimes it hurts. It’s frustrating. Sometimes you want to cry and quit. Acknowledge her feelings. The complete change of lifestyle is jarring. Breastfeeding takes so much time, has a significant learning curve, and is just hard. Plus, cluster feeding is no joke.
You’re doing a great job
Pieces of it can come naturally, while other parts may not. Let her know she’s doing an amazing and hard job, and just entering this journey takes courage.
It's totally normal to feel touched out
Let her know that feeling touched out is totally a thing — and it’s okay. Assure her that the skin-crawling feeling will not happen every time.
How can I help?
Ask if there’s anything you can do to help — or better yet, just do it. Offer suggestions and give recommendations for professional help if she needs it, or would just do the laundry and dishes for her if that’s what she needs that day.
The best thing we can do for a mom who’s having a hard time breastfeeding is just reach out to her. Ask her how she’s doing and be that sounding board. Just asking that simple question and letting her know you’re there if she needs to vent may just be the lifeline she needs.
Whatever you decide to do for you and your baby is the right decision
Breastfeeding is hard work. It takes a toll on your body, and it’s complicated. There are so many factors that may be affecting your experience with it — milk supply, clogged ducts and postpartum depression, just to name a few. Tell her you get it. Breastfeeding is complex and definitely not one-size-fits-all and if she wants to exclusively pump or supplement with formula, or just stop all together, let her know it’s all okay and she will still be a great mom. There’s so much guilt involved with a mom struggling to feed her baby and our job is to let her know she has nothing to feel guilty for.
