From a very early age, we’re told that “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes…” You know the rest. It’s an old school way of living and works for some people. But what about the rest of us living in a modern day dating world? If we don’t follow this exact pattern are we doomed in our relationships? Grandma, earmuffs! The answer is no.
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While gathering some outside information, I discovered that the divorce rate peaked in the 1980s to 50 percent—the highest it’s ever been. Throughout the years people have held onto that statistic. On a national scale in recent years, the divorce rate has actually dropped steadily.
According to Tara Parker-Pope, author of "For Better: The Science of a Good Marriage," "The bottom line is that modern marriages are getting more and more resilient. With each generation, we're getting a little better about picking mates. A different kind of marriage is emerging in this century." Couples split up for various reasons including finances and lack of communication. Both of which can cause strain in a relationship whether you hardly know the person or have been in each other’s lives since grade school. Contrary to popular belief, “rushing into a relationship” is not part of the common reasons.
I went against all of my girlfriends’ advice and met my future husband when I wasn’t looking to date anyone. I didn’t meet him at a bar or in a coffee shop. In fact, I was still heartbroken over a breakup with a previous boyfriend and not really interested in dating at all. In the days following, we became inseparable. It was lust that turned into love very quickly. We both wanted the same things out of life—companionship, marriage, children, but not necessarily in that order.
We went against the grain and can honestly say we’re happy people, still in love, because of it.
Everyone thought I was crazy. You’re rushing into it. You don’t even know him! He’s 18 years older than you! I ignored all of the commentary and followed my gut.
We moved in shortly after meeting each other and he proposed two weeks later. Still riding high off our engagement, we found out we were expecting our first child. Everything was happening before we could even question it.
I’m sure for outsiders it seemed like a huge mistake, but for us it felt so natural. We went against the grain and can honestly say we’re happy people, still in love, because of it.
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This whole idea of playing by the rules is a dated philosophy. Life can’t be perfectly planned out no matter how hard we try. And knowing all there is to know about someone isn’t a guarantee to having a successful relationship. It can be risky but just as rewarding to throw out the safe cards and deal the wild. So game on.
