My 2-year-old is a talker. My chattiest child yet. Often, he will pause nursing to tell me about something that has come to mind – the Spiderman birthday party he wants or that pizza sounds good for lunch. I’ll ask if he is done with milk, if he is ready to go make pizza or whatever is coming next in our day and inevitably he will reply, “No, milk now”.
Breastfeeding a toddler is not something I ever planned for
Breastfeeding while pregnant with my toddler’s new sibling was definitely not on my radar. But my son turned one and we were in a good stride, then 18 months and he was nowhere near done (and neither was I), and then we hit the milestone of breastfeeding for two years. By then, my husband and I were discussing one more baby and since my cycle had returned at 17 months postpartum and my milk was still flowing, things coincided so that I got pregnant while still nursing.
During my first trimester we almost cold turkey weaned in a fit of my pregnancy hormones and constant nausea. Breastfeeding hurt. Really really bad.
My sensitive nipples cringed at every latch and over and over I’d tell my son, “Please be gentle, Mama’s milk has an owie” to try and get the point across. No more dinosaur latch, no more on and off again for conversations. He obliged, but after months of virtually no issues, I could tell he thought my requests were out of character. He just didn’t understand that the baby in my tummy was somehow connected to his favorite time of day – milk snuggles.
Now, as I enter my second trimesterm, I definitely feel my milk supply dropping
I don’t have to wear nursing pads any longer and I just don’t feel full like I used to. I’ve asked my son if there is still milk, and he assures me by opening his mouth to show me a puddle of creamy milk, that yes, it’s still there. And he is still happy. He loves his milk and the mama snuggles that accompany the time we spend nursing.
I’m not confident that we will make it through my entire pregnancy and even if we did, I don’t know if I really have it in me to tandem nurse. Right now, we’re taking it one day at a time.
With my son being so verbal, he is adamant that we continue nursing
I’ve mentioned that we should save some milk for the baby and in his kindest voice he says, “Oh, we can just share.” He will tap one breast and say “for me” and the other and say “for baby”. It’s the sweetest — he apparently has it all worked out.
Breastfeeding is his comfort and part of his routine. It's what he's always known. This part of nursing a toddler is so hard because I know he'll feel the loss when we fully wean. I know it'll be confusing and sad for him. I also know we'll connect in new ways and he will be ok. This is just part of growing up.
As much as I cherish nursing into toddlerhood I sense my body and heart are ready to be done. Well, today at least. Tomorrow I’ll probably cry about the thought of being done. Breastfeeding has been such a special part of our relationship.
For now, we’re continuing to talk about the transition so it’s not a surprise when the final day of nursing comes. We’re limiting the time we nurse or opting just for one side before snuggling or reading a book. I’m reminding him that he can feel both sad about no longer being a baby and happy about becoming a big boy. Because isn’t that the dichotomy we all live in? A constant release of who we were paired with excitement for what is to come and who we will be.
