Temper Tantrum Tactics That Work

You’ve quickly strolled through the store aisles, hoping your daughter didn’t notice the bags of colorful candy or wishing that your son somehow missed sight of the newest video games. And then you hear the telltale screams. Sometimes outbursts can have a variety of causes that have little to do with a shiny, new object. But there are ways to deal with your child’s tantrum-in-progress and preventive methods that could help fend them off before the first teardrop falls.

If the tantrum has already begun, a bag full of potential solutions can be your best friend, especially when in a public place. Ruchi Bhargava, assistant professor of clinical psychology at Midwestern University’s Glendale, Ariz., campus, suggests being prepared to engage your child with an alternate activity. “Bring out a game, toy, book or food if they are hungry. Or take them for a walk to redirect the child’s attention.”

Getting a handle on your emotions is key in effectively managing your child’s tantrum and avoiding any negative behavioral reactions on your part, says psychologist Sanford J. Silverman, founder of the Center for Attention Deficit and Learning Disorders in Scottsdale, Ariz. He suggested stress management techniques. “These may include proper breathing during your child’s tantrums and taking a time-out if possible, allowing another caregiver to take over.”

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Outbursts often result from a youngster’s frustration over difficulty communicating or not being able to do what he imagines himself doing, Bhargava says. During a tantrum, try to alleviate your child's aggravation by giving him some control over the situation. She suggests encouraging your child to use his words and really listen to what he says, or allowing your child to make decisions by asking questions like, “Which one do you want to play with? This one or that one?”

When dealing with an unhappy child in the midst of a public tantrum, it’s easy to lose your cool and try to out-shout your 5-year-old, which can add more embarrassment to an already uncomfortable situation that has likely drawn the attention of others. Silverman says controlling your decibel levels goes a long way for everyone involved. “Keep in mind, talking to the child during a tantrum should be done in a firm, calm voice that does not match or try to exceed the child’s screaming or yelling.”

Taking preventive measures before leaving the house might lessen the likelihood of a tantrum. Bhargava recommends making sure your child is not hungry or tired, along with keeping a stash of books, toys and snacks handy just in case. Sometimes, a change in a child’s daily routine can also bring on a tantrum, so explain any upcoming changes ahead of time so he is prepared.

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Does your son tend to lose it after lunch? Are evening hours the time when your daughter usually throws some kind of fit? Being aware of when tantrums tend to occur could be vital in helping to prevent them. “For example, if a child becomes ornery and easily agitated after lunch, he may need to take a nap—or it could be he ate a food that contained caffeine or something acidic that is causing discomfort,” says Silverman.

Setting limits can help shape behavior and curb potential tantrums, especially with toddlers. The extra awareness you display also satisfies their need for attention and direction. “An example is getting the child ready to end a play activity by informing him in time intervals that soon he will have to stop,” Silverman says.

Knowing your child’s typical reactions, and emotional and behavioral patterns, can provide solutions to potential situations or problems leading to tantrums, notes Silverman. For example, if your daughter doesn’t like going to the doctor for a checkup, buy her a toy doctor’s kit and allow her to examine you before her appointment. “By mastering the technique, the child will become more comfortable with the experience, reducing anxiety and fear,” Silverman says.

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Help your child understand the rewards of proper behavior and the consequences of inappropriate behavior. Providing consistent disciplinary structure that doesn’t bend or give in, regardless of venue, also helps. Use the same techniques in public that you employ at home so they know what to expect.