I realize reading the words "toddlers" and "well-adjusted" in the same title is confusing, but I promise it's not a mistake. Yes, we CAN create well-adjusted toddlers.
How do I know we can? Because I did it myself, several years ago when I had two toddlers — 16 months apart — at the very same time. What could've been a really hard transition to school was made a million times easier by following this list of tried-and-true tips that a few mom and teacher friends told me during my girls' toddler years to make them better adjusted and capable for preschool and kindergarten.
I'll admit some of these rules are easier said than done (hello, toddlers!) but I promise they made a huge difference in making sure my toddlers were ready for the school years.
No toddler plays anything without cleaning it all up
Yes, toddlers can clean up. What? They don't want to all the time? Well, you must make them. Sit down with them to start them off, but then slyly stand up and tell them, "You're in charge of being my big helper, to clean up your own toys." Play this up like it's the most awesome thing ever, and praise big when they do it.
Take toddlers to the grocery store with you
Yes, sometimes it makes the trip harder, more complicated, and borderline hell. But being at the grocery store, with a list of items you must get, is where toddlers can first learn responsibility to get a job done ("Can you spot the bananas for mommy?") while learning respect for public places and people they don't know. I once made my toddler girls apologize to our local store manager for shouting and causing a scene, after things escalated beyond my control — because not every place is all about them. Even toddlers can understand that if we just teach them.
Toddlers must take their own plates to the sink after a meal
In many preschools — and definitely in kindergarten — kids have to clean up after their snacks and lunches. So, start showing them how to clear the table — I guarantee they will think it's fun. The magic of brainwashing toddlers to do chores before they realize it's work is powerful, and the effects are lifelong.
All toddlers have a hard, early bedtime — even if they're up and down several times
In bed at 7:30 p.m. with lights out. Too early, you say? Nonsense! Their little bodies are super tired and parents are freakin' exhausted. Most certified sleep experts warn about the "second wind" toddlers get and swear that putting toddlers to bed earlier than most of us might think is normal is the secret to establishing solid, long-term health habits. It also means you get guaranteed alone time and they get much-needed rest to cope with whatever school throws at them the following day.
Resist enrolling toddlers in back-to-back activities every single day
FOMO is real, and it's out of control in our modern parenting communities. "Did you sign up for swimming?" "Did you get the art class confirmation?" "What about ballet?" RESIST. Pick one or two things your child seems to like, try those out for a while and then try something else in a few months.
Child development experts warn us about the real dangers of kids developing anxiety or not having the ability to lead themselves creatively if they're constantly in situations that are telling them what to do, how to play, etc. Not to mention, it's ridiculous (and super expensive) to cart toddlers here and there and everywhere. Let them stay home and play — either with you or, better yet, solo.
Stop with toddler screentime
Not judging, just saying that it IS possible. No, toddlers don't need to watch Peppa Pig while you shop, while you're pushing them in a stroller, while you're driving in the car. Let them make noise, let them whine, let them tell you they hate you (they don't). Talk to them, tell them to count the trees out the window, start singing their favorite song.
The American Academy of Pediatrics repeatedly reminds us that more than two hours of screen time per day during the toddler years can make kids almost eight times more likely to develop ADHD by the time they turn 5 than kids who spent 30 minutes or less each day on a screen. Occupational therapists have noted a decrease in kindergartners' fine motor skills because of too much toddler swiping and not enough playing in the dirt with sticks and stones. Can we just listen and do what the doctors are saying, already?
Resist holding toddlers' toys for them when you venture out
If they want to take a doll or stuffy to the park, then THEY hold it or you don’t take it. THEY hold their lunchbox as they walk into preschool. THEY hold their jacket if they get too warm. We're not being mean — we're teaching them to be in charge of themselves and responsible for their things.
Toddlers must learn to talk to strangers in public
Remind them to thank the grocery store clerk for the sticker they got at checkout. Consider prompting your tot to tell the server at Panera Bread they would like to order macaroni and cheese. When they go to school, mom and dad won't be around to speak their needs for them, so they need to start learning how to do that now.
If at first these tips don't succeed, try, try again. Toddlers can be tough, but we are tougher. Yes, you CAN do this. Your future self — and your kid's future preschool and kindergarten teachers — will thank you.
