I'm pretty certain I won't be having another baby. But whenever I hold another mom's newborn, or, well, have any of the (completely unreasonable) thoughts listed below, I'm not so sure. Here are 10 no-good reasons I think about going in for a third:
1. I'd be off the hook on having my period for another nine to twenty-four months. Breastfeeding kept my period at bay for a good eighteen months after my littlest guy, Otto, was born. He's now almost two and this monthly bleeding business is feeling a *little* excessive.
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2. Two babies later, I look hotter when pregnant than not. During both of my pregnancies, I've been "all belly"—the rest of me really stays the same—so I looked good in pretty much everything (until that monstrous last month.) Post-babies? Let's just say some of that stretched belly skin isn't going anywhere… unless I get pregnant again. Problem solved!
3. I'd save a lot of money on pregnancy tests. It doesn't matter what kind of birth control we do, or don't, have in place—I invariably think I'm pregnant every month and spend a panicked twenty bucks on a three-pack of digital pregnancy tests. Pregnancy sex = stress-free (with savings)!
4. I'd have a free pass on social stuff I just plain feel like skipping. Three-year-old birthday party? Hubs and kiddos will be there! Extended family reunion? Oof, I'm too sick to fly.
I'd actually sleep in on Saturdays.
5. Pregnant lady parking spots. This is kind of a new thing and I want in.
6. I'd refinance, just for fun. No one wants to piss off a pregnant woman. Business meetings, loan applications, traffic stops: pregnant person takes all. Now I know. And would schedule important negotiations accordingly.
7. I'd get to hang out with my midwife. When I met my midwife I was like, "Where have you been all my life?" This was evidence-based healthcare as it should be, with gentle guidance from some kind of cross between an OB/sister/therapist/researcher/superhero/bestie. I still call her with all of my baby-related questions (we joke that I "never graduated") so another round of regular appointments with my midwife would be awesome.
8. I'd actually sleep in on Saturdays. You'd better believe I'd pull the pregnancy card and let my hubs handle the six million kiddo needs before noon on Saturdays, given the chance.
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9. I'd get to support the service industry again. Right now I deliberate before spending on personal indulgences. And when I do indulge on something luxe and spendy, it's a rare treat. We have kids to put through college, after all. But a pregnant mama's gotta get her kicks and put her feet up. Professional housecleaners, weekly massages, mani-pedis? Sign me up!
10. I'd pine for wine. And sushi. Soft cheeses. Sleeping on my belly. There's nothing like pregnancy to make you miss the little non-pregnancy things. It's good to get that perspective shift.
The truth is, though, I loved being pregnant. And, having been pregnant twice, I know the best part of pregnancy is getting an actual baby at the end. But unless I want another one of those, I guess I'll keep talking myself down when I get grossed out by my period or feel greedy for a better parking spot.
What no-good reasons do you consider for getting pregnant again?
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