To the mom about to give birth, you’re probably feeling a little nervous about what lies ahead.
Months ago, you were probably finalizing your birth plan, carefully double-checking your hospital bag to be sure you didn’t forget anything, and dreaming of the moment that you would finally get to hold your little one in your arms.
But you probably never expected that moment to include a face mask.
Giving birth in today’s landscape of COVID-19 has likely completely changed everything you thought you knew about becoming a parent. Who could have known that your childbirth prep classes should have mentioned what to do in the face of a global pandemic? If you’re feeling anxious, worried, or have no idea what to expect when you give birth, frankly, you have every right to feel all the feels. This Mother’s Day might look a little different, but you are not alone.
Just like you will come to rely on the experiences and advice of other moms who have come before you on so many things in parenting, take it from these moms who have been through exactly what you’re about to go through — giving birth in the midst of COVID-19.
Focus on what you can control, not what you can’t
Daisy De La Cruz-Alonzo explains that the weeks leading up to the birth of her son were “nerve-racking,” mostly because they didn’t know what the hospital’s policies were going to look like the day of delivery. For instance, they had been told that their doula might not be able to be in the room. So, the mom-to-be decided to direct her focus to a more positive place.
“All we could really do is take it one day at a time, look at what you can control, and leave the rest to God,” she says. (And, good news — her doula was able to be present for the birth after all!)
Stay off social media
Nichole Schwarb, who had her second child on April 1 with her first-responder husband, says in the weeks leading up to the birth, she struggled daily, and even hourly, with constant news and Facebook updates.
She finally decided to remove the apps from her phone completely and distance herself from social media. “That helped reduce my stress tremendously,” she explains. “It also forced me to interact more with my family.”
Communicate your fears honestly
Schwarb encourages all moms feeling anxious right now to communicate those fears as soon as possible. “Talk to your partner and doctors about things bothering you,” she advises.
The second-time mom-to-be found it helpful to be proactive in her fears by talking to her OB about her anxieties about delivery, seeing a counselor, and doing a run-through with the hospital on what to expect, such as if her partner could still be present. She also made sure to talk to her husband whenever she was feeling anxious so he knew where her head was at. “Give yourself grace for multiple meltdowns,” she adds. “It happens.”
Prep as much as you need to
If preparation is key for you to stay calm, do you what you need to do to feel safer. Schwarb, for instance, packed as little as possible to take with her to minimize exposure, created a calendar of availability, and had trusted people care for their other child. She kept in close contact with them about their exposure (went from 5 to 2 people) and sent an email to all family/friends letting them know that no visitors would be allowed but that they would be creating a Google photo album and to scheduling video calls to “meet” the new addition.
Utilize resources
Even though it’s a pandemic, your health care team won’t leave you high and dry — you’ll still be able to have access to the resources you need. Schwarb, for example, says she’s had “great success” with breastfeeding support via video calls, and her pediatrician has scheduled all healthy and newborn appointments first thing in the morning while also practicing social distancing.
Try to embrace the no-visitors silver lining
For some moms, quarantine is actually a unique experience that has allowed them to truly bond as a family, without any interruptions from visitors whatsoever. If the thought of just being at home with your own little family sounds great to you, embrace that without any guilt.
Turn off the news
Daysha, a second-time mom in Michigan, echoes the sentiment to just stay away from the news while you’re near delivery and immediately after. “I stopped the day after we had my daughter — I got moved to the recovery room and turned on the TV to CNN’s headline of ‘First Infant Death from Covid-19’ as I’m holding on to our less-than-24-hours-old little girl!”
Admit it’s not fair
Pretending all is sunshine and roses is not reality. Daysha admits that she cried when her baby’s grandparents couldn’t hold her. “It’s not fair her grandparents, friends, and family don’t get to love on her and feel her amazing energy her tiny little body radiates — instead they look at her though the glass,” she says.
Cultivate calm
Daysha says that that being home with both of her daughters and being able to give them all of her energy has been a “blessing.” “There is a peace and calmness in the air,” she explains. “I’ve realized through all this how much wasted time I use to spend running around town doing this and that … It’s amazing sitting home in my pajamas all day with our girls.”
Make COVID-19 an 'off-limits' word
You do what you gotta do during this time to protect your own sanity, and if that means making ‘COVID’ a dirty word, so be it. “The only time I think or say ‘COVID’ is when I’m praying for all the wonderful people being affected by this right now,” says Daysha. “I’m not letting it consume me and I won’t let it ruin this ‘extra’ time we’ve been given with our little family.”
Lean on the staff there to support you
Meg Luke actually had to go into her C-section for her third son on April 3 while completely alone, because the hospital is preserving PPE for staff. She found that relying on the staff — including the anesthesiologist and nurses — is the only way she made it through.
“My anesthesiologist was the one who stayed by my head to talk me through everything, to keep me calm, to cheer me on, to manage any discomfort or nausea — she was a blessing.”
You’ll probably get to go home faster
A silver lining in all of this? You might get to go home faster than normal, as hospitals try to limit parents’ potential exposure. Luke, for instance, got to go home after only 24 hours instead of the usual 48, and several other moms reported similar early discharges.
Remember what you’re there for
“It’s difficult, but not impossible” to stay as calm as possible, adds Luke. But she encourages all new mamas getting ready to give birth to focus on the end goal: the baby.
“No matter what, you’re leaving with your new baby and making memories,” she says.
Even if those memories don’t include cozy get-togethers with grandparents right now, or friends and family fawning over your new little one, they can include a memory that you can treasure forever: the knowledge that what you are going through, as a brave mom facing giving birth, is something you are not alone doing.
Thousands of moms are joining you (virtually, of course) to form a circle of mothers who have entered motherhood already learning one of the most important lessons a mom can ever learn — that she is so much stronger than she realizes.
