Pregnant women are always the subject of offhand comments, but during 2020, they're subject to a whole new line of unsolicited remarks. Although some of these comments are well-meaning, they miss the mark and simply are not helpful.
Here are five things expecting mothers in 2020 do not want to hear:
1. Don’t worry, there's no evidence it can hurt the baby
I don’t need you to solve my problems. I understand where this piece of advice comes from and it's a positive place, but the problem is that rather than finding comfort in this, it minimizes how I feel. I understand that according to the CDC, mother-to-child transmission is unlikely — which is encouraging — but with so many uncertainties surrounding the data, its not a guarantee. Furthermore, after birth, a newborn is susceptible to person-to-person spread just like anyone else. So a reasonable amount of concern proportional to the risk is my right as a pregnant woman and a new mother. I don’t want to hear everything is going to be great, if it can’t be guaranteed. Let’s just keep it real. Although I was very grateful to be pregnant this year, it was a hell of a ride.
2. Life will go back to normal
Life will not go back to “normal” and I don’t want it to. For any pregnant woman and new mom, life is about to be altered significantly into a new normal and there is no going back. You are bringing a new child into your family, which already is a significantly life-changing event complete with its own set of angst. But now that huge life event is happening during a life-changing pandemic era, election year, and unpredictable times. Godspeed.
3. You should consider giving birth at home
This is along the same lines as whether I plan to breastfeed or not. Each woman is different, and each woman has the right to make the medically informed decision on where she gives birth. I made that decision: It is to give birth at a hospital. So while some mothers are choosing to give birth at home to have more control of the situation and eliminate any possible exposure to COVID-19, that is something I do not feel comfortable with for a variety of reasons. I’ve had a prior cesarean delivery and have been advised by my trusted doctor that a VBAC is not a medically advised or safe decision for me. My number-one goal this year is to bring a healthy baby boy into this world. I don’t care how or where that baby gets here — and neither should you.
4. At least you had all that time to get the nursery ready
No, I didn’t. Aside from homeschooling, cooking, and playing with my eldest child, I did not have extra time. I couldn't prepare the nursery with everything I needed because at the time, people were hoarding. So while it would have been nice to wash and clean cute little baby clothes all day preparing for my little one’s arrival, instead I despearately searched online for toilet paper.
5. 2020 is the worst
Despite it all, 2020 will always be remembered as one of the best years of my life. Yes, it sucks that we lost many lives. And it sucks that it’s been such a volatile year in our country in addition to COVID-19. But you know what, I brought a baby into the world this year. So for me, as much as part of it sucked, it was absolutely wonderful, and I don’t want it to be 2021. It was absolutely challenging, strange, and new in so many ways.
In the end, it brought our friends and family closer than ever before. If all you do is focus on the negative, you become that. So please, if that is your choice, let it be so, but do not bring that negativity to me and my baby.
Expectant and new moms are doing the best they can and probably don’t need personal advice unless they ask for it. Sometimes they just need someone to listen and witness the experience. Because one thing is for certain, women pregnant in 2020 are bound together forever, because they experienced a year like no other.
