For many people, having a baby shower is a normal rite of passage in the course of a pregnancy. It’s a happy time where family and friends can gather to celebrate the upcoming birth with gifts, supplies, food, and other cultural or religious traditions of significance.
While I had a baby shower for my firstborn, I’m currently pregnant with my 5th child and people keep asking me if I’m going to have one for this baby. I always look at them askance (though I know they mean well) and say no.
Here are the reasons why I’m not having a baby shower for this last one:
We already have enough
Truly, my family is very fortunate in that we are financially, physically, and emotionally capable of having and raising this baby with very little impact on our situation. Which is, in huge part, why I am embarrassed at the very idea of having a baby shower.
1) I feel greedy
Honestly, it feels incredibly gauche to have a baby shower for the 5th child. We have so much stuff! OK, maybe I already got rid of all the baby clothes, but we still have so many things. It feels wrong to ask for more.
2) I don’t want more things
See the aforementioned point — my house is near to bursting already. I know that baby showers can also focus on diapers or essentials instead of just cool or cute baby gadgets, but let’s be honest. It’s really difficult to resist buying such tiny and adorable baby clothes — even when we know the baby will outgrow it in a week!
3) Babies don’t require much
After having had so many babies, I know we really only need diapers and some clothes. My friends are generous enough to pass along gently used clothing and cloth diapers, so we’re all set on that front, too. Plus, I still have some old cloth diapers that aren’t completely destroyed. Other than that, we already have everything, because I am somewhat of a hoarder and never got around to selling or giving away a lot of baby things.
Also, I hate parties
Even though I am an extrovert, I really dislike parties. Mostly because it’s hard to have any sort of conversation beyond the trivial and that’s exhausting. Speaking of exhausting, that accounts for so many reasons not to have a baby shower!
4) I am SO tired
Seriously. I’m wiped. This last baby is sending me through the wringer. I don’t know if it’s because I’m 13 years older than when I had my first or that I have four other children to care for, but I only have about two to three good hours in a day and I’m only in my 12th week.
Even if I only have to show up to the event, I don’t want to talk about this pregnancy or the new baby or talk to other people. I was like this for my other pregnancies, too — I just find the whole topic boring. Plus, if I really told people how I felt about this pregnancy, it would be nonstop complaining because I’ve felt like I’ve had a low-grade flu for 12 weeks.
5) Everyone is tired
Also, all my friends are low on bandwidth. To push off planning a baby shower to a friend is to truly be cruel. They’re all busy parents, and their kids have so many activities that it’s not really feasible.
6) Also, COVID is still a thing
Though my friends are all trying to be careful, it’s just too much risk for my personal taste. The idea of having COVID while pregnant while also parenting my four kids sounds awful.
What I really want
What I really want is for people to bring me food when the baby is born or cash in lieu of gifts. We all need to eat, and I hate cooking! Anyone who takes that burden off of me is a hero in my book. As for the cash, it may not be a thing in American culture, but for my Taiwanese culture, it’s amazing and I feel so loved. I always open accounts for my children as soon as they’re born and deposit any amounts happily. College is already expensive enough — college for five kids makes me want to cry.
I know that I tend to veer toward grouchy and curmudgeonly, begrudging gifts and ultimately robbing the giver of joy. So in general, I am trying to be more gracious and grateful when people want to give me or my family things that I perhaps don’t want or need. But in the meantime, if any of my friends happen to read my article, you know what to do!
