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Congitively, most of us can understand on some level how much every aspect of our lives change when we have children, and that includes our relationship with our partner during pregnancy and after. Even the nine months before baby arrives can be a challenge for the healthiest of relationships: After all, you’re preparing to add another member to your family as your hormones and body are both going through something they’ve never experienced before.
Almost as soon as you get a positive test, you’ll realize that your partner’s support is essential to surviving the months ahead — and the problems you might have been ignoring will likely come to a head now that it’s really getting real. That doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed, though; it just means it’s time for a good, open talk.
Whether you and your partner are in a good place during your pregnancy or you’re willing to admit there’s room for improvement, this time of transition is a great opportunity to get everything out there and make your relationship as strong as ever so you’re ready to take on parenthood as a truly united team.
How to connect with your partner emotionally on a deeper level
If this is your first child, you’re about to get to know your partner in a way you never have before — and depending on their next moves, you may end up falling in love with them even more after seeing how they care for you during your pregnancy and watching them fall in love with your baby after they arrive.
Since so much change is happening, it’s a great time to learn how to connect with your partner emotionally. The extra stress and emotions might make that a challenge, but that just means it’s time to communicate as openly as honestly as possible with your partner while still being respectful of them.
This is an ideal time to air your grievances, bring up tough subjects you may have been avoiding, and to get on the same page about your expectations after birth — how you’ll split childcare duties and the household chore schedule are great places to start.
It’s also important to remember to see things from their point of view, too. After all, knowing what to expect when your partner is pregnant can be impossible if they haven’t been through it before — and since you’re the pregnant one, not them, they may feel a bit left out these days.
“The partner, unfortunately, may feel scared or inadequate if they don’t feel as strong of a bond that is innately happening to the mother, which sets the partner up to feel alienated from the start,” Dr. Charlotte Howard told Verily. “The mother should understand that it doesn’t feel truly real to a lot of people until the baby arrives!”
Offer as much understanding as you can, and communicate knowing that you’re both on the same team and share the same goal: A happy, healthy relationship where you can both thrive and enjoy raising a child together.
Partner support: Asking for help
Pregnancy can be such an intense time for all expecting parents — both those who are carrying the baby and those who aren’t — and mental health problems in pregnancy are more common than you might think. It’s important to remember to ask your partner for help when you need it, and that might even involve asking them to help you watch for signs of poor mental health and prenatal depression, which can make an already stressful time even more difficult to cope with.
Dealing with the hormonal changes in your body during pregnancy (not to mention the physical changes) can be overwhelming, and it can also make some people shut down. But remember that nobody likes feeling rejected by their partner, so be open and transparent about communicating your needs, especially as your due date gets closer.
There are certain things you can do to help keep your relationship alive, too. Involve your partner in your pregnancy as much as possible, and make plans for baby’s arrival together. Going on date nights when you can will be a welcome change for routine and a chance for you to bond as a couple. You can also consider planning a babymoon — one last getaway together before you become parents.
Pregnant and having relationship problems?
During this time in your lives, it may become glaringly obvious that you need outside help to get your relationship to where it should be, and pregnancy is a perfect time to get it — believe it or not, you have more free time now than you will in a few months.
You don’t deserve an unsupportive partner during pregnancy, and your partner may not know how to support you. If your conversations aren’t getting you anywhere, it might be time to give professional counseling a try — together and maybe even separately, too.
The unknowns about what parenthood will be like can certainly be scary, but take it from moms who have been there: Taking on that fear is well worth it.
“Remember, the most important thing to know going into to this exciting new part of your lives is that you two are on the same team. Your relationship will change, but this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Now, more than ever, you need each other to survive and thrive,” mom Betsy Aimee wrote for Mom.com.
