Crazy Contraception Devices Through History

If you thought the rhythm method was a risky and scary way to prevent pregnancy, be thankful you don’t live in the dark ages. Literally. Birth control today is as easy as a pill, a condom, sponge or tiny stick in your arm. Back then? Some seem simply to serve as an explanation for why there are so many of us here today.

In the Western world from the 1920s to the 1960s—no, really—the most popular female contraceptive was allegedly Lysol disinfectant. European “doctors,” who were later uncovered to not actually exist, gave testimonials in advertisements to its effectiveness as a feminine hygiene product. Unfortunately, some women allegedly died from using it while others were severely burned as a result.

The women of ancient Greece attempted to hold their breath during sex. Why? Because when they were done (and seemingly had color drain back into their face) they would sit with their knees bent so they could sneeze to expel semen. Duh. I mean, it's so obvious.

Photo via Jenkps.org

If you have an aversion to beavers, then hopefully you weren’t having sex in 16th century Canada. It was there that they apparently believed that the “testicles of small furry animals were key to pregnancy prevention.” You know, when mixed with moonshine. The beaver testicles were ground up into a fine powder and made into a cocktail with the strong alcohol and then consumed. Orally. Cheers.

You just know Pepsi is loving this one. In the 1950s and '60s, Coke was not just a popular refreshment but also a spermicide for a select group of, um, very smart people? An experiment allegedly showed that Coke killed the sperm in under a minute. Also? “The classic bottle provided a ‘shake and shoot’ applicator,” according to TheAwl.com. No comment. Because, really, what is there to say?

It’s a practice that dates back to pre-industrial societies, especially in Africa, according to Yale.edu. Back then women used “plugs of chopped grass or cloth.” Over in Japan, the prostitutes used balls of bamboo tissue paper, while in the Middle Ages good old wooden pessaries were used as pregnancy prevention tools.

Condoms date back much further than the current latex form. But the oldest known condom in existence was found in Sweden and is believed to be just over 370 years old. And made out of pig intestine. The manual it was found with suggests that users "immerse the condom in warm milk prior to its use to avoid diseases.” Mmm. You'll definitely be conjuring up that image the next time you have a midnight snack.

It has long been common for foreign objects to be inserted into the vaginal canal in an effort to avoid pregnancy, but some are weirder than others. In an Egyptian medical papyrus known as Ebers, dating back to 1550 BC, a 20-meter-long scroll had writing on it that said a pessary soaked in donkey’s milk was a “notable method of preventing pregnancy among ancient Egyptian women.” Also used? A “resinous gum-like material to smear over the cervix as a barrier method. The Ebers papyrus also mentioned pessaries made of “dung and fermented leaves of the acacia tree.” The rhythm method never sounded so good, yes?

During the 2nd century AD, a Greek gynecologist (who you just know didn’t take insurance and made you bill on your own) apparently told women to drink the water used by blacksmiths to cool metal as a way of avoiding pregnancy. As a result of the Worst Doctor in the World, women volunteered to work in factories with lead to keep them sterile as recently as World War I. It would also help them get neurological problems, kidney failure, seizures and comas. But also no babies. So there’s that.

Smoke it and you’re not in the mood for sex? Nope. That’s not it. Ancient Sumatran women reportedly used opium plants during intercourse as a diaphragm. Which had to have made for some very groovy uteruses. And penises.

Over in pre-15th-century China, it was believed that condoms might have been made out of oiled silk paper or lamb intestines. But even less appearling may be the tortoise shell or animal horn condoms. No word on if a variety was also available for her pleasure.