The foundation of good birth support isn’t advocacy or information; it’s sensitivity and presence, two things hard won in our current world. Watching thousands of families prepare for birth, I see how much you want to know and how much of that knowledge goes out the window when the excitement and stress of labor arrive.
Before you get nervous, rest assured that you are capable of supporting a loved one in labor
A few tips:
Don’t stare at your screen during contractions: Put. The. Phone. Down. She wants you present, but not necessarily in her face. Think of yourself as a houseplant, you’re present, you’re meaningful, you’re not asking for much. You’re not a distraction, you’re added value all along the way. You are there for her when she needs you. You need to be fully present at the height of active labor in order to respond to her needs without her asking first, How can you do that if your senses are engrossed in your phone? Simply, you can’t.
Don’t suggest the epidural — if she wants one, she’ll let you know. Trust me.
But if she’s trying to work through her contractions, she needs your support and your encouragement. Suggesting pain medication when she isn’t asking for it sends the message that she can’t labor without meds and that can be deeply demoralizing. You need to prepare yourself for labor, that’s not the pregnant woman’s job. Find out what to expect: How will she sound, look, and feel? What smells should you expect in the labor room, and what are ways that you can help her cope with the contractions? That way, your confidence will be obvious to her and very empowering.
For a primer on what to do … and not do… when you’re supporting someone in labor, turn to my upcoming book, You’ve Got This: Your Guide to Getting Comfortable with Labor. It’s a pep talk for everyone in the birth room and it’s full of support techniques, preparation activities, suggestions for common labor hurdles, and more:
Dear Support Partner,
Your role is simple: Bring your awareness solely to the needs of the laboring woman without distraction
If she’s cold, make her warm; if she’s working hard, give her water; if she’s panting, help her breathe slowly.
Assuming some responsibility for birth preparation will increase mama’s trust, thereby increasing oxytocin, the on-switch for labor. Try to predict her needs before she is even aware of them and plan for your own needs, like food, a change of clothing, and your own hydration.
The upcoming pages will guide you through thoughtfully packing your toolkit for birth. Page by page, you will learn how to use these effective support tools, many of which you probably already own. On page 140, you will find a simple packing list for your birth support toolkit.
Thorough support includes more than just objects and thoughtful gestures
Support includes the most foundational elements of a healthy labor: hydration and breathing. I’ll teach you my foolproof breathing exercises for labor and the importance of a water bottle. Additionally, you will learn how to use the tone of mama’s voice to reduce adrenaline, the oldest trick in the book.
Remember: All you need is your hands, your heart, and a few simple skills to provide hours of comfort in labor.
