We all know that making new friends in those awkward tween years can be tough. But what we rarely talk about is the silent struggle of making new friends as an adult — and especially as a new mom, who may have entered motherhood at a different time than her regular friends.
One mom on TikTok has an interesting theory about why finding mom friends you actually click with can be so hard, and it’s going viral for sharing a lot of truths.
The clip was posted first posted by a TikToker named Annalee (@annaleegrace15)
According to her account, Annalee is a devoted mom of two, a water engineer, and a professional makeup artist. But she’s also become well-versed in something else: The difficult art of making mom friends.
“I have a theory about mom friends and I just need to know if everyone else feels the same way,” the TikToker says at the start of her video.
Now, before she gets started, Annalee admits that prior to having kids, she had no idea how hard making mom friends would be.
“I honestly assumed I would just take my kids to the park, find another mom there … bada bing, bada boom, best friends,” she says in the clip.
Spoiler alert: “It’s not that easy,” she reports.
Using a kids' dry erase board, Annalee begins to explain just *how* not easy it is
@annaleegrace15 And they do exist!! So if you havent found yours yet, keep looking!! ❤️ #momlife #momsoftiktok #babiesoftiktok #toddlersoftiktok #marriedlife #husbandwife #momtok ♬ original sound – Annalee
First, she creates a Venn diagram with three overlapping circles, to represent the three different types of mom friends she’s come across in her experience.
In one of the three circles, she draws a heart. This group represents the mom friends that you would naturally get along with anyway — even if you didn’t have kids — due to similar interests, humor, and ease of conversation.
In the second circle, Annalee draws a stick figure person, meant to represent the group of moms who actually have babies or kids the same age as your own.
With these moms, you might not have a ton in common, but because your kids are the same age, it allows you to arrange playdates or plan activities together that align.
Then there's the third circle — which proves to be the most elusive of all
That circle represents the rarest of the rare moms: The Unicorn Mom Friend.
This is a mom who you’d already be friends with on your own, who has kids the same age as you, and who happens to live in close proximity, making playdates and hangouts a total dream come true.
Think you found yourself one of these? Then BOOM — you have hit “the unicorn mom jackpot,” according to Annalee.
There's just one problem, though: It hardly ever works out this way
“Either you love someone and you’re in different states or you love someone and they have different [aged] babies,” Annalee explains.
Or, it all matches up and is great — until your unicorn up and moves away and you have to start all over again at the beginning.
“If you’re thinking of someone in your head that is your unicorn, text her right now and tell her how thankful you are for her,” Annalee urges. “It is incredibly rare, my friends. Incredibly rare.”
In response, a lot of moms couldn’t get over how accurate this all was
“You nailed the theory!” one mom wrote. “Still looking for my unicorn and my kids are teenagers.”
“I feel this in my soul,” commented someone else.
“Spot on,” added another.
Others noted they’re still searching for this rare kind of mom friend — if she even exists.
“Still waiting for my unicorn,” one mom wrote. “Or honestly any of the circles.”
“I never had any of those, let alone the unicorn,” another shared.
“Just wanting my bus stop mom friends to turn into real friends that actually hang out cause I don’t go anywhere else and they are friendly,” someone else chimed in.
However, a lot of moms said they'd found their unicorn, and even tried to offer tips
“I found my mom friends by putting my kids in sports!” one mom shared.
Others said they rely on family to fill in the gaps — from sisters to cousins to SILs — which prevents them from feeling lonely.
Annalee also told one user to consider trying the Peanut app, which helps connect local women at similar stages of fertility, pregnancy, and parenthood.
More from Mom.com: When You’re the Mom Without a Village
There were plenty of other moms who simply got lucky
“Mom friend hack: get pregnant at the same time as your other friends and then you don’t have to make new friends!”
“My best friend and I got pregnant three days apart,” one person shared. “And we live down the street from each other. And our husbands get along. It’s a dream.”
“My university best friend and I had babies 16 hours apart,” wrote someone else. “Both girls and our husbands are childhood friends.”
Naturally, that’s the dream, but it isn’t always possible. This is especially true for women who chose to have children either earlier or later in life, or those who encountered unexpected fertility issues.
At the same time, other moms started suggesting a fourth circle to add to the mix
In that case, all three other “mom friend” factors would align perfectly, with one noteworthy addition: each of your significant others would get along perfectly, too.
Now THAT’S what we’d call a true unicorn.
